Q: What did the dog say the cat? A: nothing, because dogs cannot speak, and even if they could, I highly doubt they would speak cat.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What did one banana say to the other banana? Answer: It didnt say anything because bananas are inanimate objects, so it isn't humanly possible for a banana to speak.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Q: What did the banana say as it was being eaten? A: Nothing. Bananas are inanimate objects and therefore are incapable of talking.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get surgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Why did the cookie go to the hospital? It had cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

My grandmother's zodiac sign was cancer, and she was killed by a giant crab.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

A: Did you know Helen Keller had a treehouse? B: No. A: Neither did she.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

how did harry styles get in one diretion god

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Whats Brown and Sticky A) a stick

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Once upon a time, A lonely man was living in the woods. He died of exhaustion, dehydration, starvation, and bacterial infection. The end. Once upon a time, Another lonely man was living in the woods. He built a house, made a well, made a farm, got married, had kids, and had a wonderful life. The end.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Two men were standing on the 34th floor of a 65 floor building. They were trapped in a office with one window. here is their conversation: guy1: oh no what should we do??? guy2: I don't know!! this is awful!!! guy1: I have children and a loving wife!!! guy2 walks to the window sill and leans over. guy1: what are you doing? there is more to life we can get through this!! guy 2 jumps out the window guy 1 runs to the window sticks his head out and yells "MAKE MINE CHOCOLATE!!!"

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Boys have swag, real men have class

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What did the penguin wearing a blue sweater say to the sink? I am a penguin wearing a blue sweater.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

This is a haiku. Not a very good haiku, But still a haiku.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Why'd the chicken cross the road? Who cares its a chicken, it probably got hit by a car. Go to McDonalds and get a chicken sandwich there he is

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What's brown and sticky? Poop.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

what do you call a black man that killed somebody? a murderer.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

A Jew buys something that is not on sale

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Knock knock. Who's there? Fire extinguisher. Fire extinguisher who? POMEGRANITES.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What did T Pain say to the skipper of his yacht? I'm on a yacht

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Roses are der Violets are eulb I am dyslexic

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Why did the little kids call the boy "pornboy" Because he showed gay porn at the bus stop

thumb_up thumb_down +20

why couldn't the boy talk? Because he was dead

thumb_up thumb_down +20

How do you get a black guy out of a tree? hit him in the head with an axe

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops