My girlfriend never swallows; she has a rare esophageal disease that's potentially fatal.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Knock Knock, Get the f*ck off my porch

thumb_up thumb_down

Hi

thumb_up thumb_down -4

How long does it take jimmy hoffa to screw in a light bulb? A: Jimmy Hoffa is dead and incapable of screwing in a light bulb, however if you change the tense of the question to "how long WOULD Jimmy Hoffa HAVE TAKEN to screw in a light bulb" then the approximate answer would be around 1 1/2 minutes if Mr Hoffa had proper dexterity an motor control that was comparable to the average human.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Jesus wept.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Why was the boy sad? He had a frog stapled to his face.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

How do you fit 100 babies in a bucket? put them in a blender. How do you get them out? potato chips.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

How do you kill something thats already dead? You don't. It's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Why did the chicken cross the road? The cognitive capacity of the chicken is significantly underdeveloped in comparison to humans; thus, comprehending a chicken's motives is impossible. Furthermore, interspecies communication is largely understudied - a mysterious division of science that may never be fully revealed. Therefore, one could safely theorize that no single human could breach this gap in communication differences (assuming chickens do, in fact, communicate) and in turn, could not understand the chicken's reasoning behind its choice to cross the road (excluding the possibility of psychic connections between chickens and humans [see 'Dog Whisperer' for a more clear explanation on interspecial psychic relations]) That being said, the only scientific and logical way one could understand the aforementioned question is through observation. For example, perhaps food was located on the other side of the road. However, this seems to pose a plethora of other questions: Why was the chicken near a road and not in a coop stocked with adequate food? Was this a wild chicken? Are there wild chickens? Do wild chickens often cross roads? Are wild chickens dangerous? If so, why hasn't there been warnings about dangerous, wild chickens crossing roads? The answer to these questions may never be discovered or explained.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What did the orphan say to the other orphan? Annie is my favorite movie.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Why did the black man shoot everyone? Because he is black

thumb_up thumb_down -24

How do you lock out a Chinese Person? Lock the door

thumb_up thumb_down -28

what is darker than black?... YOU

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Did you hear about the black guy who went to college? I did too, he worked hard for four years, partied in moderation, but graduated with a degree in chemical engineering and became very successful in the business world in order to support his wife and two children.

thumb_up thumb_down -44

What's better than group sex? Gang rape

thumb_up thumb_down -66

Runescape.

thumb_up thumb_down -88

Q: why did the boy fall off his bike? A: he wasn't very coordinated

thumb_up thumb_down -104

( I PLAYED SKRILLESX's SONG ON MAX VOLUME ) My neighbours loved? this so much they invited the police round!

thumb_up thumb_down +131

What is bright yellow and tastes like Gatorade? Antifreeze

thumb_up thumb_down +47

What's the difference between a Mexican and a bench? A bench is created to be used by multiple people for sitting down or other forms of rest, and does not have consciousness or the complex body systems of humans and other animals.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Sarah Palin

thumb_up thumb_down +37

One aardvark says to the other aardvark, "Hi." The other aardvark says, "Ahh! A talking aarkvard."

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Why Did the baby cross the street? He was stapled to the chicken's back

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was dead and therefore unable to escape the Chick fil A bag it was being carried in.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops