- Anti Joke

How do you get a black man out of his house? you ring the doorbell.

A lonely man walks into a Self-Esteem class. He sits alone in the back because of his low self-esteem. Forever alone.

What do you call a black man at school the janitor

Why did the boy fail his test? He didn't study.

What is the difference between a snail and whale? A loaf of bread

why did the baby fall down the steps? Because there was big earth quake that blocked his parents on the other side of the house, therefor leaving no one capable of getting to him befor falling

What do you get when you cross a chicken and a turkey? Just a sort of mixed bird thing.

What did the boy with no arms and legs get for Christmas? A. Treadmil

At his sentencing, a judge tells a convicted murderer that he will be hanged at noon on one weekday in the following week but that the execution will be a surprise to the prisoner. He will not know the day of the hanging until the executioner knocks on his cell door at noon that day. Having reflected on his sentence, the prisoner draws the conclusion that he will survive the hanging. His reasoning is in several parts. He begins by concluding that the "surprise hanging" can't be on Friday, because if he hasn't been hanged by Thursday, there is only one day left - and so it won't be a surprise if he's hanged on Friday. Since the judge's sentence stipulated that the hanging would be a surprise to him, he concludes it cannot occur on Friday. He then reasons that the surprise hanging cannot be on Thursday either, because Friday has already been eliminated and if he hasn't been hanged by Wednesday night, the hanging must occur on Thursday, making a Thursday hanging not a surprise either. By similar reasoning he concludes that the hanging can also not occur on Wednesday, Tuesday or Monday. Joyfully he goes to his cell confident that he has been spared from the hanging. The next week, the executioner knocks on the prisoner's door at noon on Wednesday and prisoner is completely surprised!

Do you know why the kid jumped down the 50 foot hole? I dont know, jump in and ask him.

What's black and white and red all over? Half of a zebra.

Boy it's sure cold out today. Die

Q: Why was the boy so sad? A: His parents were just killed in a car wreck, therefore orphaning him and his five brothers and sisters and leaving them with no money, food, or shelter due to lack of steady income and the fact that their house had been foreclosed on.

What happens if you type "Michael Jackson" divided by "Friends" on a calculator? DIVIDE BY 0 ERROR.

Hey its Nero7 (seriously I can go back to Nero now that all other six have been murdered) I can help myself from laughing, not because your "pimp daddy" is crying like a bitch here (I can punch his skull in with a certain arm again if you want), but because I think it was about time you told him how it is.... Okay, and because (sorry babe I dont mean you no harm) "pimp daddy" is so fitting that its funny, but hey, I fucked up by trying to get him to know you again, I might just redeem myself not by breaking no concrete with his skull, but rather by breaking his skull with concrete. Listen, you better stop using your real name (leave that to a crazy fuck like me, nobody believes its even on my birth certificate anyway (crazy ass parents these days huh?) It will all be okay, the other "Nero`s" went down the way they always wanted to, fighting for whats right, fighting for the good of their people... ...Still feel like shit, my head is not clear yet, but I have a backup plan for all my backup plans ;), I was hoping things could always be resolved peacefully, but you might have heard me talk or type about "my shadows" or "The shadows of Nero right?" Lets just say that I more than once met that fuck which walks around the hidden cameras once in a while, and that if he is the leader, he is indeed the leader of a group of spetznas that went rogue... ...Guess its time I told you, these "shadows" are a bunch of spies and assassins I trained after getting trained by a couple of our members that work for a certain... "Federal Bureau Illegal" You are right about me wanting to do the right thing, but if you had believed it was about talking about how to achieve peace and love all the time, I will have to disappoint you... As much as I once hoped that was possible today these guys are trained and proven spies and assassins, and I well, not anymore, too old, but this is worth a shot. A couple days, give or take, and ill be fine, Ill need you to decipher this message (yeah thats why it is unnecessary long sugar bear on for me) Tell my boys that "The Mr.Black needs his shadows" And give them the coordinates, and for fucks sake, do not tell them anything else, or else they will most likely come for their caller instead. If they have any questions they will call you back, its that simple... A lot of good came out of this you know, maybe this dream will soon become my vision for those that seek out the darkness again, because at this point, I bet that at least some people, will at least try respect The Last Nero again... (Let us never use that name again) Hey, ill make sure I have a backup after this backup, and I will "call you here" yeah those numbers after the phone number embedded in this message, is the day and time (AM) ill contact you again, and if things dont work out... Ill finally get to use my lighter, and lit this stick of cigar I have been keeping around for years, and have one last smoke in a boom of glory. Hey, speaking of bull, I lied to you back then, I am not 45 or whatever I said, I am 35, I just did not want you to think you where being raised by a kid back then, and in case you wonder why I never brought you back to your mom, its because I spoke with her and she was never really against the idea of your dad making a bit of coke money as long as he shared... Need to lie down for a bit, lost my contacts, so I am back to using these dorky glasses, when my Shadows call you back, please tell them to send Mr.Black some contact lenses, or a couple of field glasses, ill need them. Love ya girl, please call my wife and tell her that I love her, and that ill do my best to make it back... Sigh, for dinner or something... Just let her know again if you never hear from us again eh? Ps: If you want me to kill your father (he has lived a good life, and I made sure he lived one too good for an asshole) then send me the secret code "yes kill my "pimp" daddy. Please reply, and then its time you go to bed... Says the guy that just admitted he is four years older than you... Sorry for that...

Nero, I am happy to hear from you again, but it kinda sounds like you are going to get yourself killed or something. Is there something else I can do? If that asshole is suffering, kill him after he is done doing it, I am done with that piece of shit. Honestly, what is going on Nero? You are not going to suicide or something are you? Please respond, right away, or I wont call your wife.

Where do cows go to have fun? Cows don't have a concept of fun as such, but they would probably go to a large, sunny field full of lush, green grass with a bubbling river and plenty of shade.

What do you call a man who's being followed by 18 black guys? Dave, he's going to work and is stuck in traffic

Why did the nervous man jump out of a plane? He was sky diving.

What do you call a black man that likes potatoes? Whatever his name is.

Why do thieves shower before undertaking a robbery? Probably part of their morning routine.

phil - "honey, why is the picture quality so bad" Phil was watching a toaster

What do you call a bird with a broken wing? A bird with a broken wing.

how many baby's does it take to clean paint your house red. depends on the quality of the crusher.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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