- Anti Joke

A woman is in a terrible car crash. The husband comes in, runs to the doctor and he says "Doctor! My wife...is she going to make it?" The doctor turns and says "your wife will survive, but she's experienced heavy brain trauma. She will never walk again. You'll have to bathe her, feed her, change her diapers, and cater to her every need." The husband starts crying and says "oh my God that's terrible! Are you serious?" The doctor replies "Yes."

Knock knock. Who's there? I am. I am who? I am pregnant.

all your base are belong to mark

There is a blond and a burnette in a car. The blonde is driving. What a nice use of the carpool

what did the pregnant women get? A miscarriage

Know whats worse than a worm in your apple? Getting fridges thrown at you.

What did the salami say to the ham? Nothing; meat can not talk

Yo mamma is so fat She has to wear big pants and is easily fatigued.

Roses are red Violets are red My lawn is red My fences are red It appears my garden is on fire.

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree Because it died

Roses are gray, Violets are gray, Everything is gray, I'm a dog.

Why did the black person sit in the back of bus? All the other seats were taken.

Liar liar, your dead nans carcass is on fire.

How many jews can you fit in a car? As many as the compacity of the car can hold and how big the jews are

What does a gay horse eat? Carrots

A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The father begins by juggling some balls. The mother pulls out her harmonica and begins playing "Dixie". The children and dog try and get the dog to jump through a hoop. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

A white police officer pulled over a black guy on the highway. The cop asked him for license and registration. The black guy had a tail light out, and was very polite and cooperative. The two became close friends, but then one night, the black guy went to the house of the white cop. The black guy brought his wife and daughter over for a dinner party, eating grilled turkey sandwiches with mayonnaise. When the cop's attractive wife asked the black guy if he would like some fresh watermelon from the patch in their back yard, he respectfully declined, for he needed to return to his own home to patiently wait for a business call from one of his employees, who was also a very intelligent and hard working African male. Once home, the black guy turned on his stereo, to listen to some calming country music at an appropriately low level of volume, as his daughter and wife had gone to sleep, for the wife also had work in the morning, at her law firm, and her daughter had a job interview after her day of classes at Dartmouth were out for the day... then Martin Luther King Jr. woke up from his dream, and was soon thereafter assassinated.

What do Austrailian cows say? Moo.

Why did the squirrel fall out the tree? It was dead Why did the second squirrel fall out the tree? It was stapled to the first squirrel Why did the the third squirrel fall out the tree? Peer pressure Why did the fourth squirrel fall out the tree? It thought it was a game Why did the tree fall over? It thought it was a squirrel Why did the postman die? He got hit in the head by four squirrels and a tree

Q. What did the toothbrush say to the toothpaste A. Nothing you idiot there inanimate objects they can't talk

what do you call and man that has a twitch every time someone say tissue broken arm, leg, hand, collar bone and there iphone? A mentally and physically demented man that needs serious help from a psychotherapist otherwise matter would get increasingly worse

You scream I scream We all screamed when the chicken crossed the road

Roses are red Violets are blue I have 5 fingers and the middles for you

Three Jews get on a train to Stockholm. How many get off at Stockholm. None. The train went straight to Auschwitz.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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