how come timmy didnt brush his teeth he didnt have a toothbrush

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What is worse than getting stung by a bee? Watching your family die in a fire.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? The Holocaust

thumb_up thumb_down +23

How do you make a plumber cry? Kill all his friends and family.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

A bear walks into a bar, and says "I'd like a gin... and tonic." The bartender says "AAAAHHH! A BEAR!!!" and calls animal control. Later after the beast has been tranquilized and carted away, he rationalizes having heard the bear speak as trauma-induced hallucination.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

10% of car thieves are left-handed. 80% of chimpanzees are left-handed. Therefore, if your car is stolen, there's an 8% chance a chimpanzee is responsible.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What kind of dance does an alien do? None, aliens aren't real.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why did the man have a hard time trying to open the door? The door was locked

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What do you call an Ethiopian with a yeast infection? Quarter pounder with cheese.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

the best time to wear a striped sweater is all the time

thumb_up thumb_down +21

If the blue man lives in the blue house, and the yellow man lives in the yellow house, who lives in the white house? The blue man. He has made a good living with a high salary and has enough money to afford two houses.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why did the man kill his friend? How am I supposed to know

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why don't midgets live in penthouses? They can't reach the button in the elevator.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Chris Brown can do no wrong. False he acquired several wrongs through his mistreatment of several women.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Q. Whats does the kid and the dog have in common? A. The kid has Herpes.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What did the boy call the man that kicked the cat? "Sad twat"

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What do you call a gay mexican on welfare? poor

thumb_up thumb_down +21

A boy writes an anti-joke. It is not funny. He sees his friends teasing him about the jokes stupidity. He promptly pokes his eyes out with a dull broom stick. He can still hear his friends mocking him. He cuts his ears off with an industrial meat slicer. He wakes up the next morning and doesnt give a crap about the prior days events. Mainly because he can no longer see or hear.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What do you call something that lives in a pineapple under the sea? I don't know, but that seems like an improbable circumstance.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What do homeless people get at Christmas? Cold.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What's Michael J Fox's favorite toy? While, a magic 8-ball might first appear to be a good guess. Let's be honest, those things really lose their luster after the first couple times. More likely it's something like a sports car or big screen television.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why was the pig sweating? It wasnt, because pigs have adapted by using behavioral thermoregulation, which is the act of cooling themselves in the mud or water.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Q: What did the tree say as he fell? A: Studies have shown plants in general do not have a voice box, thus making plants incapable of speaking.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops