Friends are like snow; they disappear when you pee on them.

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If the Earth is square, why are trees smart? because you touch yourself at night

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Whats white and sticky? Marshmellows

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Roses are red, violets are blue, if you had a pulmonary embolism, you would be too

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Old, Asian, Woman who drive

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chinga tue madre Ryan

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What do Barbra Streisand and Danny Glover have in common? Nothing.

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What do you get when you stab a four year old in the chest 57 times A dead body

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Knock knock. Who's there? The Door! He then broke down into tears as the nightmares from his schizophrenia had lead to a severely crippled mental state.

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Yo Momma is so fat she is at risk of contracting Type 2 Diabetes.

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How do you kill a Jewish person? You shoot him multiple times in the face

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On a scale of 1 to Chris Brown how angry are you?

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Why did the boy throw the clock out the window? He was tired of working for the man.

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What did PSY say about his newest song? Probably something in Korean.

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why couldn't the bicycle stand up on it's own? because it was two tired

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bar man a walks a into...DYSLEXIA IS NOT FUNNY.

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Imagine a scenario Add a Rhubarb Crumble into your scenario Add your mother and father sitting together watching the news in your scenario. Your scenario should take place in an old people's home Add an Olympic athlete doing the splits into your scenario If there were any crane-flies in your scenario, be sure to subtract them at once. Divide your scenario by two. Your scenario should now be a mental image of flying horses and a hippopotamus eating a large salmon mousse. There will be a pig tied to a pair of sunglasses.

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Clyde: Hey John! :D John: Hey clyde! :D Clyde: :D! John: :D! Clyde: :D, :), :|, :(, D'X John: ? hey man, are you ok? Wtf is going on with you? Clyde: Man, it's not me... :'(... It's you... It's your... Your... John: My what? Clyde: YOUR FACE!!!! D'X

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why did the man die? Because he was robbing a bank and police used lethal weapons By- the duck

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Why did the cow jump over the moon? To see outer space

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What's the difference between Paris Hilton and a cow? Cows are ruminants, meaning that they have a digestive system that allows use of otherwise indigestible foods by regurgitating and rechewing them as "cud". Paris Hilton, on the other hand, is a human being. Therefore, her stomach digests the bolus (masticated food) only after it has exited the oesophagus into the body of the organ, where it is digested into chyme and then passed through the pyloric sphincter into the duodenum.

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What do you call a woman who can't walk? A paraplegic.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he’d rather be road kill, than be in the KFC right across the street,inside a kids meal,dead.

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What did the depressed girl say to her mother? I cut my wrists

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops