Why did the squirrel fall out of a tree? It was dead. Why did the second squirrel fall out of a tree? It was cruelly stapled to the first one.

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"hey woody can i ask you a question" "sure buzz" "why is it your name is woody but they use me as a vibrator"

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What is a haiku? Are they hard to come up with? Obviously not.

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What do you call Ed Milliband after he's been decapitated? Dead Milliband.

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Your momma is so fat, she doesn't have a birthday. She has a birthweek.

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what do JFK, plato, and a dead penguin have in common? theyre all dead.

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i woke up in the middle of the night and my entire bed was wet... know what i did? i layed a towel down and went back to sleep

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Q: what does a worm and a fish have in common? A: they are both a worm, apart from the fish

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What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter, he won't come.

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A heavily drunk man walks into a bar and proceeds to die of alcohol poisoning.

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If quizzes are quizzical, then what are tests? Worth more points.

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roses are red, violets are blue, im not going out with someone that belongs in a zoo.

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bob lost his camouflage bag. he never found it.

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Why was the baby crying? He had just witnessed his parent gets brutally murdered.

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When life gives you lemons you have lemons.

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A horse walks into a bar. "Why the long face?" asks the bartender. "I'm a horse, it's genetic." replied the horse, confused at the bartender's infantile understanding of evolution and other species.

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An artist walks into a bar and orders a rum and ckoe. The bartender reads the first sentence and realizes the artist is dyslexic and fixes him a rum and coke.

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Q. whats the difference between a trampoline and a pile of dead babies? A. I dont jump on my trampoline with metal cleats.

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A man builds a time machine but can only travel back in time. Where does he go? Irrelevant. Time and space exist on different planes.

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Whats the difference between a fish and whale? Ones bigger than the other.

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A flight attendant walks up to a black man on a plane. She then asks if he would like anything to drink.

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Whats worse then biting into an apple and finding a worm? Having a Hippo give you head.

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Bill: Heydidyouknowlosersaywhat Donny: What? Bill: Loser

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Roses are red Violets are blue Sugar is sweet And this poem sucks

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops