What do you get when you stab a man in the leg with a knife? A court summons because you have committed a horrible crime

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a farmer asked me "were is my pig?" and I said ' I got hungry" :()

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Why is meth so addicting? Why? Hang on, i gotta go do some meth

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A man takes his girlfriend ice skating on a lake. As they are ice skating she says "we should go back home and fu..." At this point they fall through a thin spot on the ice and they both drown in the lake. Fish ate their dead bodies

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A blonde goes in an electronic store. She buys a TV and leaves.

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A baby seal walks into a club.

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Whats the difference between a bong and a nigger? My bong works

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what do you call someone who cant breathe? dead

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How do you kill a blond? Put a scratch and sniff at the bottom of a pool.

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My brother and I laugh at how competitive we used to be. But I laugh harder

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How many ADHD kids does it take to change a light bulb? Let's go ride our bikes!

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You know what happens when you assume? You make a judgment based on incomplete information.

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What happened when the zombie walked into the blonde lady convention? He went home hungry.

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what's funnier than a dead baby? a lot of less tragic things

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A boy with one arm walks into a rock climbing facility and quickly realizes that his dream of being a rock climber is impossible because he is blind.

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What did the dead man say? Nothing because dead human beings have no beating heart and do not live so they cannot speak.

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What did the elephant say to the zebra? Nothing, elephants can't talk.

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what's brown and sticky A stick!

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What do you do if your batteries die and you have none left? Go to your nearest battery selling retail store and buy some more.

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A man walks into a bar, and sees another man with a huge orange head. He asks the bartender, "Do you know why that man has such a huge orange head?" The bartender replies: I dont know, maybe if you buy him a drink he'll tell you. So that man walks over to the man with a huge orange head and buys him a drink. He says to him: Excuse me, sir but why do you have a big orange head? The man with the big orange head replies: Well, one day I was walking along the beach and I found an interesting bottle. So I opened it and out popped a genie. He told me I had three wishes. The first thing I asked for was to have all the money that I wanted, and the means to get more. Suddenly, My pockets were overflowing with cash. So then I wished for the most beautiful, perfect woman ever created and there she appeared in front of me, and we immediately fell in love. The third thing I asked for was a huge orange head.

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What's worse than finding out that your dog has worms? Finding out that you have worms.

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A man asks his wife to make him a sandwich, she proceeds to make a sandwich using rye bread, lettuce, two slices of tomatoes, a variety condiments, mustard and several slices of American cheese. The man eats the sandwich at a parade with his wife celebrating Woman's Rights.

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A horse walks into a bar, and the barman says "why the long face?" The horse replies, "I am Sarah Jessica Parker."

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Barack Obama.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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