3 aliens landed on earth. They all wanted to learn english. The first alien went to an opera class and learned "mi mi mi mi mi." The second alien went to a military camp and learned "guns and bazookas, guns and bazookas!" The third alien went to a candy shop and learned "he stole my lollipop!" After all of that, they went to their spaceship and saw a dead man and a cop that said, "which one of you three killed this man?" The first alien said "mi mi mi mi mi." The cop said "what did you kill him with?" The second alien said "guns and bazookas, guns and bazookas!" The cop then said "why did you kill him?" The third alien said "he stole my lollipop!"

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What's the difference between a white man and a black man? Nothing. They are both created in God's image and likeness so get your mind outta the gutter!

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What's more stinky than a fart? More farts.

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why did the chicken cross the road? It is a domestic bird in the wild that is free to go where ever it wants to, that's why

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How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? One.

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Why was the boy sad? His friend stabbed him with a fork. Also, his mother died. Also, his dad raped him Also, he has a chode. And it really sucks when you have a chode.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He was forced to against his will by a group of marauding ninjas who happened to be strolling by at the time.

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Edward and Bella looked at each other. Then they both died. Oh, and Jacob is actually a transvestite.

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how do you get expelled? Rape a special ed kid.

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What black and blue and red all over? My mom after my dad comes back from the bar.

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What worse than a baby nailed to a tree? One baby nailed to ten trees.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where's my tractor?

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roses are grey, violets are grey, i dont have any cones, just rods.

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knock knock Who's there Rick Rick who Your wife's boss she got into an on the job accident and will never walk again... I'm sorry but your insurance doesn't cover the injury.

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Why did the duck cross the road? To get cream cheese.

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Haikus are awesome, but sometimes they dont make sense. Refrigerator.

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What's the most stupid thing you have ever heard? Woman's Studies.

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What can be any colour and is made of leather? Cars. I lied about the leather part.

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What is green and would kill you if it fell out of a tree and onto your head? A pool table.

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Knock Knock Who's There? I am. I am who? I think someone has contracted amnesia.

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Q: What do you call an aligator in a vest A: Investigator

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Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Give a man a gun and he'll build you a refrigerator.

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How fast is the speed of sex? 70 mph, minimum 40 mph

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What's the difference between a prostitute and a cherry red Ferrari? A cherry red Ferrari isn't in my garage.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops