I brought a parachute as carry on luggage, I was pulled aside at security and missed my flight.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What happened to the guy that got shot? He fell down

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Your moms so fat, she needed repruductive surgury.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

You tie a noose around your neck, you jump off a cliff and before you hit the ground you shoot yourself in the head.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

A muslim walks into a airport. He then boards his flight and is flown to his destination.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What's sad about four black people in a Cadillac driving off a cliff? Jerome never wanted it to end like this. James, his best friend, was drunk... Again. That was just the way he was. He got wasted, did something stupid, apologized, and then did it again. But this time, there would be no next time. They were supposed to be going to their graduation party, but instead, James fell asleep at the wheel. The cliff was rapidly approaching, and the doors were locked. All Jerome could do now was pray. Also, the Cadillac costed a lot.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Not even I believe you will ever know yourself that well ever Nero, you see what you created as a false illusion, as all of your, or rather our effort for nothing, as a pathetic attempt to create heaven on earth. In my eyes, you succeeded in doing so, and if it where for you, or more people such as yourself and I, it would have lasted, stop trying to give people what they do not deserve, and remember that making others happy will never cure the sadness and pain deep within you, only cover it. Stop fleeing from yourself, stay, get to know yourself.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

A dyslexic man walks into a bra. He removes the piece of lingerie from his face and continues shopping for clothes.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Yo mamma so fat, she's on a diet and is losing weight at a good, steady rate.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Two cows are standing in a field. One says to the other: "Hey are you worried about this Mad Cow Disease?? the other cow says "Nah, not at all mate...!" "Why Not?" says the cow "Because I'm a CHICKEN!"

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Ethan's girlfriend is a salg hahahahahahahahahahahaha fucking meff she needs to die

thumb_up thumb_down -9

knock knock whose there tim tim who just kidding its fred

thumb_up thumb_down -9

A genie walks into a bar. The bartender asks for three wishes. The genie says "okay". The bartender says "I wish I was the richest person in the world." The genie says "okay." Then He woke up

thumb_up thumb_down -9

How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop? About 144 licks but everyone gets different answers because we all lick lollipops differently.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

do u like chicken ? ....no good...cuz its for black people.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

An obese man walked into McDonalds and ordered 6 Big Macs. He proceeded to walk to a booth in the back corner and eat them all. Turns out he was white.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

"Hey dude, wanna come with me??" "Sure! Where????" "To the grocery store, I need to buy a couple of lemons"

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What do you get when you cross a 747 with a passenger train? A large colission with hundreds dead and injured.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

-Why did the man sue the train driver after he witnessed his friends death? -Because he was owed a duty of care.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

what is red with 2 legs? half a cat

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa? Tiger woods is a famous golf player and Santa is a fictional old man dressed in red and white who is said to live in Lapland, have an airborne sleigh driven by eight magical reindeer and come down the chimney to fill childrens' stockings on Christmas eve.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

man: why did the chicken cross the road? other man: why ? man: i don't know, ask him your self. other man: ...

thumb_up thumb_down -9

I'm Donald Trump! Wump wump wump! What's good for the goose Is good for the gander I'm Donald Trump!

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops