What happens when you turn 70? You have to go into your settings and make the text in your phone larger just so you can read it. What happens when you turn 71? You still have to go into your settings and make the text in your phone larger just so you can read it.

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? A vast quantity of things.

what do you call someone who cant breathe? dead

How did the Jewish man play racquetball? With a racket and a birdie.

They say you are what you eat, but i don't remember eating a big bowl of sexy.

Hi! Do you know how much a polar bear weighs? Roughly 1150 pounds if a full grow male.

How long does it take to paint a house with babies? It matters how hard you throw them.

Whats funnier than a pile of dead babies nothing child abuse is not a funny matter.

What do you get when ned puts toast in the toaster? A fucking massive sperm whale.

how do you know if a fish is gay? you ask it

if a joke has not punch line, how does that strike you?

What do you call a plane going to Africa with 100 black people on it? A plane, the contents of the plane is irrelevant...

A man walks into a bar............. The bar explodes and everyone dies

Why can't Emily swing because she has no arms Knock Knock Who's there Not Emily

What did the therapist say to the other therapist? Your skin looks dry, let me lend you some ointment.

A black man, a white man, and an Asian man walk into a bar. The black man says, "My wife died in a terrible book-keeping accident.". The white man says, "My wife died in a terrible lightbulb-sorting accident.". The Asian says, "My wife died in a terrible geography accident.". Soon after, the bar was hit by a missile, promptly killing the three men.

How do you feed 1000 people? Cook 1000 meals .

What did Santa call the prostitute? Nothing. Santa isn't real.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Scholars maintain that the translations to the chickens journal were lost in a hurricane hundreds of years ago. Therefore, the chicken crossed the road for unknown reasons and died knowing it had a dull, pointless life.

whoes considered the best trackstar in the world. the random jamacan who ran onto the field.

How do you make a clown stop smiling? Hit him in the face with an axe.

Annld so the penguin said, "This is my most casual outfit!"

Why did the little boy throw his clock out of the window? After hours of searching for the snooze button to no avail, the little boy became so irritated at the incessant ringing of the alarm that he threw it out of his window in a fit of rage. The clock landed on an old woman who was walking twenty stories below. She was immediately killed on impact.

Three examples of how santa is gay 1) he says HO HO HO 2) he sneaks into your house at night from going down the chimney 3) he knows when u r sleeping and he knows when u r awake BONUS............. Better not pout, you better not cry, better watch out im telling u why.........SANTA CLAUS IS COMING TO TOWN

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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