When I was in 4th grade, I was fat. The other kids would take my lunch and spit in all the food, then give it back. Teachers started to wonder why I wasn't eating, and soon began to ask me if I was anorexic. I replied, "do I look anorexic!?" I'm now 6 foot 3 and weigh 56 pounds. *FUN FACT: based on a heartwarming true story.

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They say you are what you eat, but i don't remember eating a big bowl of sexy.

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I was reading a book about antigravity, but I put it down because it was boring.

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Q: What did the clam say to the postman? Moral: "Hey its me the worlds only talking clam! How you doing dude!"

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What did the old man say to kid who was begging to his mommy? Shut up.

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Why did the man fall on the floor? He had a heart attack.

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Hello we are from the church of the latter day saints.

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What did the black man get for Kwanza? AIDS

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Knock Knock Who's there? The IRS. You've been convicted of tax evasion.

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What happened to the seal that walked into the zoo? Well nothing because seals can't walk.

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What do you call a black man eating dessert? A man of African ancestry enjoying a sweet treat.

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What's brown and sticky? A Mexicans underwear.

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Thomas Hobbes had a happy life. Actually he didnt, he was born prematurely causing his mother to die. Then his dad left him at an early age to the care of an abusive older brother because he was an alcohollic. He did inspire many political beliefs though

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I'm tired of hearing Holocaust jokes, Anne Frankly I'm disappointed.

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What's the funniest thing about this website? Everyone thinks their fucking hilarious because they keep making jokes about Sally who has no goddamn arms and little kids with terminal cancer

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What do you get if you cross an angle with an antelope? An anglelope.

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Q. Pete and Repeat were sitting on a wall. Repeat fell off. Which one was left? A. Pete. Yep.

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Q: What's black and white and red all over? A skunk in a blender.

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AAAnd that did not totally send a rush of sweet endorphin's up my spine, I think myself of as really really blunt, I value individualism rather than complete assimilation, I think that, if people want to hear my opinion, they ask me, and if they want to hear what they want to hear, they can ask... Pff, anybody else. I end up insulting a lot of people literally asking for it, but moments like these make it all worth it. I am also extremely superstitious, the catchphra states "Grain of salt" so I wont take your comment completely... I am just screwing around...

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This is SPARTA! SPARTA? THIS IS MADNESS! (kicks guy down well) What is hurt! Baby dont love me, dont love me, no more. Moral: The funny thing is probably that the line makes a lot more sense all of sudden does it not?

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What did the black fire-fighter do when the house caught fire? The heroic man ran inside and got every animal and person inside to the out side and then proceeded to extinguish the flames with his fire-extinguisher out, thus saving most of the families valuables. He was then awarded a raise in his salary for his heroic valor. Although any fire-fighter could have done this because of the hard work and dedication that is put into training. So really describing the race that this heroic man is was totally pointless.

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What did the cow say to the other cow? "Baaa", he had an identity crisis.

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2 gay men walked into a bar, The next day they want back to the bar, They went back on the third day but only 1 man came back out and he was in tears, This was because the other man had a cardiac arrest and died.

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why is ur dad an alcoholic? he drinks a lot of alcohol

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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