What did the homeless man get for christmas eve? Hypothermia. What did the children get for christmas day? A traumatic experience when they tripped over his snow-covered corpse.

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

Patient: "So what seems to be the problem doc? Doctor: "I'm afraid you have AIDS. I'm sorry."

A man walks into a bar. He's black. Its 1962. He is immediately arrested.

did you know helen keller had a dog? neither did she....

As they went down the hill Jack tripped on a rock, falling breaking many bones including his neck. In all the hysteria, Jill fell too, however she landed on a rock and now has severe dementia. This was all for a pail of water.

why was the woman afraid of her bestfriend he raped her

What's the difference between jokes and anti-jokes? Anti-jokes aren't funny.

If Oscar Meyer had a dog what kind of dog would it be? A Wiener Dog!!

What's black and has the texture of tar? Molasses

Have you ever tasted Ethiopian food? Neither have they.

Whats the difference between a Bicycle and a duck? They Both have handlebars, except for the duck.

What happened when the man lost his sandwich? He couldnt eat.

The guy told a funny joke. Why wasn't the other guy laughing? Because he was having a heart attack

Where did the farmer take his pigs on Saturday afternoon? the Slaughterhouse

What do you call a black man in space An astronaut

If woman that have big breasts work at Hooters, then do woman with one leg work at Ihop?

Roses are roses Violets are violets Sugar is sugar And you're a person

What did the Atheist say to priest? Evolution

A student often slept through his alarm, which led to a lower class attendance rate and thus a poor performance on his exam

Why did the chicken open door? It can't. Chickens don't have hands.

What did the homeless man get for Christmas? Frostbite

2 guys shot up a morgue..... 13 bodies remain dead.

Your momma's so fat she ate oranges and coffe

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...