What kind of animal eats and pisses on everything? Your mother. -Avery Vartanian

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Your mom is so...wonderful.

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What did Batman say to Robin before he got in the Batmobile? - "Robin, get in the Batmobile"

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What did the man want a car for his birthday? 7.

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your mother is so rather large that when she stepped onto a scale, it stated her exact body weight which was 280 pounds. Which come to think of it isn't that big considering that obesity is now the norm and average people are referred to as abnormal.

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What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot.

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What do you get when you a bunch of women and men with a high sex drive? A group of men and women with a high sex drive.

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Richard fell off of a cliff. He can fly.

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What black and blue and red all over? My mom after my dad comes back from the bar.

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Whats worse than falling down the stairs? Falling UP the stairs.

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3 men find a genie lamp on the side of a road, The genie grants them each a wish as they surely deserve. The first man asks for a jet and the genie glady grants him this and the man starts to fly away. The second man says to make a wall around asia and the genie complies. The third man thinks for a minute and finally says fill it with water and as a genie the genie cannot refuse. They all drowned seeing how the jet had no fuel. The genie goes back to sleep and is picked up by an alien 5,000 years in the future, the Earth is destroyed in 7012(as if we didnt already destroy it). The genie survives and currently resides on uranus.

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What happens when a japanese boy goes into a planet called Zypharecion which is 2000 light years away with 20% oxygen and 78% nitrogen and 2% of other earthly air elements and heats up a balloon enough that it explodes? He wont be at that planet because it does not exist and travelling at the speed of light has not been proven possible for humans.

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A Woman out of the kitchen

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What was the Alzheimer patient favorite drink? What was the Alzheimer patient favorite drink?

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Knock, knock. Who's there? Butter. Butter who? Oh, um, sorry i forgot the rest...

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What couldn't the Asian drive? Because he had just gotten laser eye surgery, and the doctor recommended that he didn't drive for a few days.

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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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Why can't Sally ride her bike? Because Sally is eight months old and doesn't even understand what a bike is.

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Did you hear about the kidnapping yesterday? He slept for at least 3 hours.

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Three nuns walk into a bar. They realize they are in a place they don't want to be, so they leave, casting furtive glances around, fearing that someone from their congregation will see them and think they went in to drink.

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America Votes

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Whats worse than contracting H.I.V.? nothing

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Two people on a boat, Pete and Repete. Pete fell off and Repete radioed the Coast Guard, who sadly got there just in time to watch him drown to his death.

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Why didn't little jimmy get anything for Christmas? He is Jewish.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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