What happens when you shoot Chuck Norris? You go to jail.

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I used to be an adventurer like you, Then I settled down in a quiet place in the woods with a girl and raised a family.

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Red sky in the morning, Shepard's warning. Red sky at night, Shepard's Fulcrum.

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Sometimes sentences just don't end the way that you think they potato

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What do you call a black person who can't see? Blind

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what did the dog say to the retarded black guy ? bark

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Gandalf and Dumbledore had a son, her name wasn't.

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Why couldn't little Timmy turn in his homework? Because on the way to school little Timmy was hit by a bus

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What do you get when ned puts toast in the toaster? A fucking massive sperm whale.

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How does a black woman know she is pregnant? When she pulls her tampon out the cotton is already picked.

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Why was the man sad His got raped

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I can count to potato.

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Why did the car drink Slurpies? I don't know. Why? Doorknob. Carl was unsure on what his friend, Frank meant when he told his joke, but then again who IS sure? Frank is the only one who truly knows what happened that day on August 13th 2010 when his mother came over for a surprise visit to her son's house just as Frank was heading out the door about to get in his truck and buy groceries, unaware that his mother was standing outside and bending over to ring the door bell not to expect Frank opening the door with his quick and violent actions thus hitting his mother in the face as the door swung open. Frank hadn't known his mother was at his house nor even remembered him but there she was, past out bleeding to death on his front lawn. It was Frank's fault that day, when his mother past away and reason why Frank hides his anger through his jokes. If only he hadn't opened that door he tells himself every night. Now he's cursed himself with his odd humour of using doorknobs as punchlines to hide his grief of his loss. And with that, Carl replies; Ummm.... I don't get it.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, Gee, I wish I could partake in even the first two lines of this stanza, but alas, I have colourblindness.

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Q #1: Why did Sally fall off the swings? A #1: She has no arms. Q #2: Knock Knock Who's There? Not Sally.

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Why couldn't Austin eat his noodles? He was a horse, and horses don't have hands, silly goose!

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Why did the little boy fall off the swing? I throw a refrigerator at him.

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what did John do to make the cold weather a little less irritating? well, being a homeless man, John did..... nothing.

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i told my parents that i was having friends come over my dad said great my mom said great so i said great

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Roses were red Violets were blue Until the Fire nation attacked Now it's all black

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So, two people park their car and walk into a bar. Wait, no. They were walking into a grocery store and they were riding skateboards, not a car. Then, the kid walks in after them. Oh, did I forget to mention they had children? And also, they're married. So anyway, they walk into this grocery store, and meet a barkeep. Wait no that's ridiculous why would a barkeep be in a grocery store. Let me start over. Bah.. never mind. I forgot what happened next, but it was REALLY FUNNY!

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There once was a man from Nantucket. He's dead now.

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Wishing to teach his donkey not to eat, a pedant did not offer him any food. When the donkey died of hunger, he said: ‘I’ve had a great loss. Just when he had learned not to eat, he died.

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charlie sheen

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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