What is the most attractive part of a woman's body? The part where she doesn't have a penis. I know, I know, the no-penis thing looks weird and strange, but hear me out. I think it's kind of cute and quirky. Like, oops, there's something that's supposed to be there, but isn't.

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A man walks into a bar, he is immediately rushed to the emergency room

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what does the pope have against homosexuals a whip

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All I want for Chrismas, the murderer of my parents to be caught.

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That's a lie, buffaloes are extinct now

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i did not type this on 12/23/11 at 8:49:47

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A woman walks up to her man and asks him to take out the trash. He agrees and takes the trash out.

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Knock knock Who's there? Timmy Timmy who? Timmy Smith

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Why did the postal worker go to work? Because he has to support his family so they do not starve like his dog.

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What do you get when you cross and elephant and a dog? Nothing, because you cannot breed creatures of different geniuses.

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What did John F. Kennedy say to Kurt Cobain? Nothing. They never met.

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Robin, get in the Batmobile.

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A duck walks into a doctor's office, and says 'Quack!' The doctor is offended and resigns.

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Why did Windows crash ? F*ck Windows, that's why.

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you know what they say... hydrate or die

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Q: What did the diddler say to the little boy? A: Can i touch you inappropriately?

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Lol, listen, the suggestion lies in the "not not", you are using not twice in your mind, which under trance makes it so your subconcious registers that you are using a double negative while you consciously do not. Look back at the messages and register consciously that you and I have been using "not not" twice during the past messages, when the net shuts down here, you reinforce the "I will totally notnot, tell him" so the suggestion just gets stronger.

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How long does it take a black woman to take a shit? Why in the world would you want to know something like that? But anyway, the answer is somewhere, on average, between 10 seconds and 15 minutes. It really varies and conditions like irritable bowel syndrome and constipation affect this range. Actually it takes about 9 months.

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A boy and his father are in a car crash. The father dies and the son is transported to the nearest hospital. Once there, a surgeon is brought in to operate on the boy. The surgeon steps back and says "I can't operate on this boy, I haven't had enough training for such a situation." The hospital calls in another surgeon and they are more qualified for the event. Then the surgeon wakes up and realizes the boy is in critical condition. There is blood drenching his shirt and there is only seconds to operate. Suddenly, the boy wakes up and realizes he has just survived a car crash. Suddenly Leonardo DeCaprio enters with a girl. The world turns on its side and they all wake up to find them selves a victim of Inception. Then the caterpillar wakes up and realizes it has immense mental capacity, even above those of an above-average human. Then I woke up and realized I lost my job. MLIA.

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What do you call something you should prepare yourself for when having sex with a prostitute? A.I.D.S

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Whats better than pizza? Pepperoni pizza, if you like pepperoni that is.

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Yo mama's so fat that I make Yo Mama jokes about her!!

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when i walk in the living room this is what i see... Luci's big eyes are stairing at me! (Luci is a dog) (Pita is a cat) I start a hissing and a scratchin and i ain't affrid to bite her, bite her, bite her, I"M PITA AND I KNOW IT!!!

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Why do immigrants move to the UK? To seek a better life

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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