A woman got in her car to drive to work. She kept her hands on the wheel and eyes on the road and was able to avoid any accidents that could have occurred.

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Burger King cashier: Are you on Team Jacob or Team Edward? Man: I'm on team I'm freaking hungry; now give me my food!

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What do you call something you should prepare yourself for when having sex with a prostitute? A.I.D.S

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Q: What happens when your name is Gretchen Weiner? A: You can never make "fetch" happen.

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A Polish man came home one day from work, hung up his coat, took off his hat and walked into his bedroom shouting "honey I'm home!" What should he see but his best friend in bed with his wife. Infuriated, he rushed to the cupboard, pulled out his gun, put it to his head, pulled the trigger, and died instantly. His children and lecherous wife are forever scarred.

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Why was Jim fired from his job at the sperm bank? Continual absenteeism and inconsistent work.

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What happened to the prisoner who dropped the soap while in the shower with other men? Another prisoner picked up and gave it to him and finished showering and felt squeaky clean.

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Q. What's the difference between dead babies and celebrities? A. Nobody likes celebrities.

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Q: What's the difference between an African American and a bench? A: An African American is a human being of black dissent, while a bench is an inanimate object that people sit on.

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What did the little crippled boy get for his birthday? He's an orphan so he doesn't know his birthday.

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Your mom is so...wonderful.

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What was the biggest turning point during Michael Vick's transformation from despised felon to MVP candidate? He stopped killing dogs.

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your mama is so stupid i believe she will have a difficult time finding employment in these rough economic times

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In Soviet Russia, there are communists.

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Did you see that picture of Helen Keller's dad? Yes. She didn't.

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What did the boy who succsesfully came out of liposection get? Diobeeties.

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A mother and father heard their young son sobbing in his room, so they ran upstairs to see what the problem was. When they got to his room, they found the older son was dead and hanging from the ceiling. And the younger son was actually laughing, not crying.

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Why was the old lady hard of hearing? She spent many of her young days blasting hard rock from her speakers/

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What's red and smells like blue paint? Red paint

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What do you call a black man who flies a plane? A pilot, you racist!

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Snapple fact #572: You're a terrible person.

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this site is funny.

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What do you call a man with no arms and legs swimming? Drowning.

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why did Sarah fall off the swing? because she had no arms. Knock knock! who's there? not Sarah.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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