What's black, white, and red all over? Half of a dalmatian.

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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then the man returned and said, "My friend does not have a pulse and he is not breathing, so I stand by my prior assumption."

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s

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A horse, a duck, a pig, and a mus lim walk into a bar. The horse ducks, the duck's hoarse, the pig's in a blanket, and the mus lim has a can, being surprised at how far a can can preach hate in Chicago. The bartender reminds the mus lim that he's keeping company with a swine, and the mus lim feels offense for the poor horse.

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Suppose an American, an Indian, a dinosaur, and a leprechaun are on a plane together. Which one would be the first to chug a 7 pound bottle of coke? The situation is too unlikely, with the odds of it occurring being less than 1%, therefore the question cannot be answered accurately.

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What goes in dry and comes out wet and sticky? Bubble Gum

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How do you get a child off a swing? Throw a fridge at him

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"I had angry birds before it was cool." -Alfred Hitchcock

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What do you get when you cross an elephant with a giraffe? A really f*cked up hybrid.

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what do you say to the preacher when he walks into church? i dont fu***** know, im jewish.

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Q:What's the difference between my refrigerator and the trunk of my car? A: There isn't a spare tire in my refrigerator.

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Whats worse biting into an apple and finding a worm? -bidoof

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Hey, have you heard the one about the elf and the watermelon? Neither have I.

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What's red, black, and green all over? A dead black bear. Just no green.

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How do you tell if an alien had been in your house? All your lightbulbs are gone and your fridge is pregnant.

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How dou you find the population of mexico? Take a census....... By throwing a dime in the street!

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What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a mountainous mound of slain human offspring? There is none, the second is conferred to the subject of a conversation using a highly advanced vernacular.

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A Jewish man, a christian man, and a buddist man walk in bar, They all have to much to drink and are arrested for driving under the influence while trying to get back home.

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What do you say to a girl with two black eyes? Nothing you've already told her twice.

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Why was Jimmy upset? There is a frog taped to his face.

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You know that feeling you get when you see your crush walking towards you? No, I'm blind.

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Why did the boy punch a little kid in the face? Because he was a bully and liked to feel superior.

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What's black and white and red all over? A dead penguin.

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Feminism.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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