my grandpa has the heart of a lion, and a permanent ban to the zoo.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

"Solids tunderf" he said, while chewing his gum.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

this is not a drill.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why did the chicken cross the road? Due to a lack of awareness of its surrounding, it died attempting to cross the road.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why couldn't Timmy ride his bike? He didn't have a bike, his family was very poor and did have much money. Therefore a bike for Timmy was the last of their concerns.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks what he'd like to drink. The man pulls out his gun, shoots the surprised bartender, and proceeds to execute all the patrons of the bar and finally commit suicide. A post-mortem identification of the man identifies him as a victim of childhood sexual abuse and a diagnosed schizophrenic. There is a nice funeral for all the victims and the media respectfully minimizes exposure of the event.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

69

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Women's rights.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

I love you, you love me. Barney is fat and not entertaining.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

If two blondes had a kid it would probably be a blonde because two recessive chromosomes have a higher chance of showing than one dominant gene.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

how makes licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop? depends on how determined you are to find out

thumb_up thumb_down +6

How did the weak old man with cancer beat it? He hung himself.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Knock-knock jokes with sjws: Knock knock! Who's there? A transgender! A transgender who? WOW. It's 2016, people. If you can't recognize a transgender, you're a disgusting piece of cis white male scum! OH! OHH! "I'm sorry lady"? Do I LOOK like a lady to you? I'm a- no- sir- stop interrupting me. SIR! I identify as a gender fluid demisexual! "What does that matter?" Oh my god. Well it wouldn't matter if I identified as a goddamn piece of salami to you would it??? Huh? I'm confusing you? WOW! What a priveleged- oh! So I'M being rude? OKAY! FINE! I'm recording this you know. You're going ALL over the Internet. Oh yes you are! No, hey, my privilege cam! You just took it this is rape! You are assaulting me! Don't just shove it back into my hands like that! I call patriarchy! Oh no, I'm not done with you! Don't you close that door you Goddamn piece of sh- *slam*

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What did the chicken say to the.... nevermind

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What did the sheep say to the Commonwealth Committee on September 11 2001? Baabaaabaaaahhh

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Some poems rhyme, But this one doesn't.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

I'm at my grandmothers house right now

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why was the black man good at basketball? Because he practiced.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What do babies suck on? juice boxes!

thumb_up thumb_down +6

im not black, im Joseph Kony

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Whats the opposite of purple? Your adopted

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What is the #1 cause of pedophiles? Sexy children

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What do you say to an over weight Jewish mother? "Work on those crunches" He was her coach.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

how do u make a baby cry? you shouldnt. Stop thinking of ways to make a kid cry... asshole.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops