A mermaid walks into a bar, but she has no legs, so she flops over and proceeds to drag herself into the bar.

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Once upon a time, there was a a loving couple. When they first kissed, the girl's heart skipped a beat, but it wasn't because of love. It was a heart murmur. She died. The end.

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Snow White found a magic lamp in the middle of the forest. She rubbed it and became pregnant because the spout was a penis.

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Knock Knock! EXPLOSION!!!!

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Did you hear the joke about Helen Keller? No. You don't need to, it's quite inappropriate.

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what do you call a cow on a rollercoaster? a very dangerous and unlikely event

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Why did the monkey ride a bike? Because he was taken from his natural environment, abused for years and forced to ride a bike.

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Q. What do cows and grass have in common? A. They both moo, except for grass ????????????

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Find a half-worm.

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Why did the pumpkin stop using the jack hammer? Pumpkins cannot use power tools since they are nothing but orange gourds. But, [for sport] say this ‘pumpkin’ was incarnate; one could assume he was done with his demolition work. He then would return the portable drill to the rental facility and get his deposit back.

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How do you change your dishwasher into a snowblower? Give her a shovel.

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I scream. You scream. We all scream. Because there is a rapist in the room.

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A caterpillar and its mom (a butterfly) come upon a lion eating an antelope. The caterpillar says "Mom, why is the lion so mean to the antelope?" The mom replies: "it's the circle of life." The next day, the caterpillar and his mom witness a bird of prey swooping down and eating a mouse. The caterpillar asks why the bird of prey is so mean and the mom responds by saying its the circle of life. The next day, the caterpillar and its mom come across a trail of dead animals. They follow the trail to the end where they see a great lion. The mom opens her mouth to say its the circle of life when her son jumps up and eats the lion. THE END.

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Why did the blonde go to business school? She wanted to get into business, and decided that a business degree was a good place to begin.

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What's the difference between a watermelon and a baby? One is fun to smash with a sledgehammer. The other is a baby.

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Why was the 6 year old girl crying? Her step-dad kicked her in the face.

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How do you kill a dead baby? You can't, it's already dead.

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A drunk guy walks into a bar. A blind man walks into the same bar.

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justin bieber: ask me if im a boy are you a boy? no.

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wat is the name of a girl u can play connect the dots on her face laurie pisciotta

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Knock knock? Who's there? A Jehovah's Witness. Oh. Knock knock? Who's there? Not me!

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Why do beavers have flat tails? They don't know but their relatives certainly get upset

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Knock Knock Whose there? I have a gun and candy, get in the van

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"Knock Knock" "Who's there?" "Interrupting Doctor" "Interrupting Doc-" "You have Cancer'

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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