A duck walks into a bar "Can I have some brandy, please" says the duck The bartender then proceeds to make millions because he was the first to discover a talking duck

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Why couldn't the teenage pirate get into the movie? Because he lacked the required money for the ticket.

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Why did the boy fall asleep in class? He was tired.

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My dad is lactose intolerant. He shouldn't eat cheese.

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The awkward when you didn't actually say moment.

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A gorilla walks into a bar and order a banana martini. The bartender thinks this is a little peculiar and then becomes aware he is actually dreaming. He wakes up from his dream and begins to tell his wife about the ridiculous dream he had. His wife just ignores him, the man rolls over and begins to sob because he realizes his marriage is in shambles.

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A man walks into a bar wearing large and baggy pants. The bartender asks him, "Why the large, baggy pants?" The man replies, "Because they're comfortable."

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24... wait i thought of something better than 24... let me hear it... 25!!!!

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The optimist sees the glass as half full. The pessimist sees the glass as half empty. The average American sees a half-finished glass of water that is not flavored and is therefore is not worth any reasonable person's time.

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A baby tastes grapefruit juice for the first time. She is allergic and immediately begins convulsing and dies.

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Extra extra read all about it dunkin donuts has now been named dunkin pigs..a cops favorite hang out.

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How do you know what to order at a Creole restaurant? Ask the waiter, they are usually familiar enough with the menu to make an educated recommendation.

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How do you save a black person from drowning? Take your foot off his head.

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Whats long and black? The unemployment line

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What do you call a 9 year old with no friends? A Sandyhook survivor.

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Who is the Greek god of STDS? Herpies

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Nah, could not care less about how I sound on "The network", its just that I spent all night finishing the core concept to my new novel, and all the capital letters and stuff sound like Jim Carrey in my head as I type. So Redcunt, where you going? When you coming back?

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Getting up for a black person on a buss

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Yeah, and speaking about spiderman, I got some weird senses, when I get stressed things begin seeming slower, and gets a weird blur effect, not sure what it is, but if you know what "bullet hell video games are" Technically games where you play as a tiny spaceship and lots of bullets fly around, I was always awesome at those games as a kid, because the more stress I felt while playing, the slower my perception of time felt.

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Whats the most impotent thing to remember when your going skateboarding? A skateboard.

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how many jews can you fit in a volkswagon? 2 in the front, 2 in the back, and 6 million in the ash trey.

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A kid had wild unprotected sex. He didn't get an STD or enpregnate the girl.

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10+10=20. 20+20=40 40-10=30 I have 2 penises.

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roses are red violets are blue your mum is a whore as are you:)

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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