I have two friends, Jeffrey and Barbara. You might think that Jeffrey likes sports and beer, and that Barbara likes knitting and cooking. But you'd be wrong, Barbara is dead.

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What's the difference between a dead baby and my girlfriend? My girlfriend is alive and 19 years older.

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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In Soviet Russia you don't drive car, because the Soviet Union was disbanded in 1991

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Your mama's so nice, she made me cookies once. And I enjoyed them.

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What's small, black,and crispy? A baby after an apartment fire

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no

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What's worse than a worm in your holocaust? An apple.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It just didn't.

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What is worse than a case of the flu? Finding a dead camel on the highway with a half eaten lollipop in its mouth.

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Why are Americans so fat? Poor diet and lack of exercise.

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Why did the Chicken cross the road? 9/11

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A black guy, a priest, and a rabbi all walk into a bar. They order water and chat about life.

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"Doctor, Doctor! I feel like I'm a dinner roll!" Yes, well that's a side effect of your brain cancer.

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A dyslexic man walks into a building labeled, Bra. He then thinks he has found heaven but is suprised when all that is served is beer, not milk.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? The chicken just lost his job and has entered into a deep depression. He was going to commit suicide at the local KFC, but as he walked into the KFC, he saw a beautiful woman. They lived a full and happy life together until the chicken died of old age. Turns out the woman was blind, and partially deaf.

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what does michael jackson do to little boys? nothing, he's dead.

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why did the cookie go to the doctor? he had to get a physical to be eligible to try out for his school's football team. his mom drove him there but was very careful not to get his hopes up too high since his chances of actually making the team were slim to none based on the fact that he had no arms or legs but only succulent chocolate chips in every bite.

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Knock-knock? Who's there? I... I dunno I was planning on thinking of a joke before you said who's there, but I ran out of time.

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Your mama's p*ssy is so stank, she should probably consult her physician as she may have an easily treatable infection.

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How do you get a one armed polock out of a tree? You assess the situation and get a ladder the proper size to reach him, making sure the ladder is stable.

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A man walks into a psychiatrists office with a banana in his ear. The psychiatrist says, why do you have that banana in your ear? The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist shouts, "I SAID, WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT BANANA IN YOUR EAR?" The man says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm deaf."

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What is black and white and red all over? A skunk in a blender.

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Kanye West walks into a bar. As he is a very popular celebrity, he is recognized instantly. The patrons mob him, asking for pictures and autographs. He is in a pleasant humour that evening, so he indulges them. Some laughs are had, he buys lots of drinks, and takes home two beautiful women. Such is the life of a celebrity. ...but that still doesn't make him happy.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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