What's the best thing about shrimp? It never goes bad.

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My aunt said slow and steady wins the race....... She died in a fire

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roses are red violets are blue your friend is a scumbag and so are you

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(Insert joke here)

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What do a plum and an elephant have in common? They're both gray, except for the plum

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An Italian, a Mexican, and an American all stand in one room. The Italian throws pasta out the window and says "We have too much of this in our country." The Mexican throws a taco out the window and says "We have too much of this in our country." The American throws a burger out the window and says "We have too much of this in our country."

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Knock Knock? whos there? The man at the door then finds himself thinking what his last name is as he lately got amnesia

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Why did the German Constitutional Court issue Decision 2 BvR 1390/12 on September 12, 2012? Because they wanted to refuse the request for a temporary injunction in regards to the European Stability Mechanism!

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A women walks into a kitchen.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put my dick in your ass

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An Irishman walked into a bar, except he would call it a pub, because there are slight differences in vocabulary in different regions, 37 minutes later he walked home safely, fed his cat, read some pages of a book he had been reading, turned the light off and went to bed.

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Q: What's the difference between a child dressing as a ghost for Halloween and a real ghost? A: About a tablespoon of arsenic.

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What did Batman say to Robin before getting into the Batmobile? Get in the Batmobile

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Why did the man rape the woman? He had a lapse in judgement.

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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What is invisible and smells like cheese? Cheese. I lied about the invisible part, because cheese is not invisible.

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-Knock knock. ~Use the doorbell. -Ding dong. ~The witch is dead!

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Q: What happens when a Jew with a boner runs into a wall? A: He breaks his nose.

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A elephant drowns when it was swimming, why did this happen? Who cares its already dead!

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Why did the hipster burn his tongue? The tea he was drinking was at an unsuitable temperature for consumption resulting in the scalding of his mouth.

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What do you call a Knight who farts a lot? Sir Farts-a-lot

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he had poor coordination.

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How do you kill a baby? You take a gun and shoot it.

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knock knock whose there cash! cash who i don't want any but i'd like some peanuts

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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