How do you wake up Lady GaGa you set her alarm clock to a reasonable time

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Why is a duck? Because one leg is both the same.

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Was that last joke funny? Well this one isn't.

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why did the plane crash the pilot was a loaf of bread

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Farlingaye high school :L what a crap place!

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Why didn't the black man eat lunch? Because his lunch asked him not to eat it.

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Q. Why did the Unicorn die A. It got hit by a Bus

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A blonde, brunette, and a redhead walk into a bar. The redhead, growing tired of the constant ridicule directed at her from the other two, kills them. She pleads guilty to 3rd degree murder on two counts and is sentenced two life sentences in a maximum security prison in Cambodia.

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why am i a dick head. because my gcse's spelt fudge and i dont like fudge so i project my anger into boss things

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Why did FiddleBob Joe chuck a stick of butter out the window? Because he wanted to see a butter fly

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Roses are red Violets are blue Actually, no they're not. They're VIOLET. That's why they're called that. If they were blue, they would be called "Blues", or something of a similar nature. Don't be dumb.

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What did the agnostic say when he turned blue? He said "wow why am I blue?"

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whats red round and gets smaller? a baby combing its hair with a potatoe peeler

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There were once three bears who lived in a cottage in the forest. They left to go to the market one day. While they were gone a blonde girl walked into their cabin. Meanwhile at the market, everyone was freaking out that there were bears there.

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3 like an eel

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what do you call it when justin beiber makes a sex tape with selina gomez? lesbian porn.

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There is a newly wed couple, a biker and his biker lady friends. The newly wed man says to his wife, "Pass the honey, honey". One of the biker chicks looks over. Five minutes later the man says to his wife, "Pass the sugar, sugar". They biker chick looks back at them and then asks the biker man, "Why don't you treat us like that?" " You know your right. Pass the bacon... lovely". And from that day on the bikers lived in peace and harmony.

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You know you're drunk when you've spend a significant amount of time consuming alcohol.

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What is the black kid down the street getting for his birthday? Well first of all, his name is Pat. And he asked his parents for an Xbox that he will likely receive, and I assume a variety of other gifts from friends and family.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. Some poems rhyme. This one doesn't.

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3 strangers were locked in a dark room they turned the light on, unlocked the door and proceeded with their day.

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A woman walks into a bar, and the bartender says "Yes ma'am?". She orders a gin and tonic, but the bartender had gave her two without realising, and so she pays for one only. She starts to contemplate whether to tell the bartender about his error or to just leave it and have a free glass of gin and tonic. However as she is a christian, gluttony is a sin, and she already had enough to drink today. However, she feels the need to have a relaxing drink today, because as she was on her job as a receptionist, when a customer tripped on the last step of the stairs behind her and broke his neck, dying instantly, which deeply saddened her. This later led her to indulge on 3 glasses of red wine in the staff room. She finally concludes after a few moments pondering, to not tell the bartender about his error, and pampered herself with two relaxing glasses of gin and tonic. Her dead, mutilated body was later found in the rubble of a car after a head-on collision with a truck.

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A black man breaks into a car, he doesn't steal anything because that would a violation of the car owner's privacy.

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What's worse then breaking your xbox? Going on a 24 kill streak and having itchy balls.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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