One day, an Irishman, a Jew and an American were walking home from a long game of golf. "God, that was a long game" said the American, to which the Irishman replied "aye, that it was." The Irishman then turned to the Jew, and asked him how he managed to get two birdies in succession. The Jew, after a moment of deliberation, began to explain. "Well, it all began when I was six. See, there was a mountain right next to Casparia, the village I lived for most of my life back in Wales. Every day, I'd come back from school, and ask my dad why nobody ever attempted to scale the mountain. 'To do so would be an unnecessary risk, son, and people are too busy working to put food and water on the tables for their families to undertake something so foolish.' One night, when insomnia was getting the better of me, I decided to get a better look at the mountain, so I strapped on my boots, my fur coat and some woolly mittens and left for the mountain. After a few hours of walking, I approached the closest hill which gave me a perfect view of the mountain's first peak, and there I spotted a polar bear, mauling a hiker to death." The Jew paused to check the Irishman and the American were following, when the American spoke up; "hold on there, there aren't any polar bears in Casparia!" The Irishman also spoke up; "there isn't even a village called Casparia, well, anywhere!" The Jew smiled slightly, and a few seconds later the smile broke out into a gigantic grin, and he finally replied: "exactly".

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Why was Andy's resume declined? Because he was molested as a child.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Why did the chicken cross the road? Who cares what a Chicken does?

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Why did Dean Jones talk to his car? Because it was Herbie the love bug , a car possessed by a demon that had voice recognition capabilities and thus could understand him

thumb_up thumb_down +18

How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb? One.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What's pink and fluffy? Pink fluff, Whats not pink and fluffy? Sexual assault.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Q:how do you make a rockstar cry? A: hit him with a breifcase

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What sinks quickly to the bottom of a river? Your dead parents.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did Kelliintheraw get punched in the face? Because she is a dumbass

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What do you get when you cross a turkey with a turtle? A bunch of nosy ass people wondering wtf you're doing.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

"Knock Knock" "Who's there?" "Me. May I come in?" "Yes, you may."

thumb_up thumb_down +16

How many ADD kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Let's ride bikes!

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did the chicken cross the road? I wouldn't consider Mark a chicken. In fact, given the high speed and volume of cars traversing that particular road in both directions, I'd say it was a ballsy move. In hindsight, though, he probably should have waited for the "walk" symbol to appear for pedestrians, in order to avoid being run over by a bus. Anyway, if Pastor John would like to say a few words before we finally put Mark's body to rest...

thumb_up thumb_down +16

why did the mexican cross the road? To get into America. Why did the chicken cross the road? It was on its way to warn everyone that the sky was falling Why did the horse go to the other side of the field? He liked green grass. Why did Chuck Norris cross the road? cause he's Chuck Norris. Why did the man get a check in the mail every month? Cause he's black Why did Obama Cross the road? Cause he lost control of congress why is there all this blank space?

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What goes down well with whiskey? Pedestrians

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Justin Bieber

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Q: What's brown and sticky? A: A stick.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What do grass and cows have in common? They both say "moo" except for grass

thumb_up thumb_down +16

what did steven hawking say to the prostitute? Nothing, he is unable to speak, he needs help from his word speaker thing.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

5 Christians, 4 Arabs, 3 Jews, and a Monkey are locked in a room with sticky bombs, hand grenades, a bible, and some bananas. What do they do? play scrabble

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Ebola

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: He was wandering because he was lost and got hit by a car in the process.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

what do you call a man with a bullet hole in his leg? A man who needs t see a doctor.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

I tried frying some fish today, and it started sizzling at me. I took it as a direct threat and started yelling at the stove. Eventually it stopped and dinner was ruined, but I was proud of myself for winning.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops