Why was the kid picking his nose. Because someone shoved a bomb in it.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

How old is your mom Dead

thumb_up thumb_down +18

His Royal Highness was hunting in the forest accompanied by his squires and hunting dogs. A man, screaming, ran wildly out of the brush and addressed the hunting party. He said, "DON'T SHOOT! I AM NOT A MOOSE!! PLEASE DO NOT SHOOT!!!!" The king calmly raised his rifle to his eye and fired, hitting the man in the temple, and instantly killing him. A squire frantically turned to the king and said "Sire! Why did you kill this man?! He CLEARLY said he was not a moose!" The King replied "Oh! I thought he said he WAS a moose..."

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Why did the man shoot up the movie theater? Because he spent his whole child hood playing Call of Duty Black Ops II, Left 4 Dead 2, and Minesweeper. And video games, are the only thing that would rive someone to shoot up a movie theater.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

A man walks into a bar, he now has a mild concussion

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What's the deal with brown?

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What do you call a black man that has just gotten out of jail? A former criminal who has served his time in prison and is now trying to redeem himself by becoming a respectable member of his community

thumb_up thumb_down +18

how does stephen hawking get an erection? he turns off his pop-up blocker

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What do you call a 400 pound man eating chocolate? diabetic

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Q: What did the shark say while eating the surfer A: Nothing, his mouth was full, and besides....sharks cannot talk.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Knock knock Who's there? Miley Cyrus Holy moly, please come in! Here's your Miley Cyrus CD you order online Thanks you Mr. Mail Man

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Hellen Keller walks into a bar. And a tree. And a lamp.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What number is funnier than 23? 24.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What is the difference between a lion and a tiger? A lion ,on average, weighs 31 kilograms more.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Have you ever tried Ethiopian food? Neither have they.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Your cat was in pain after after a stack of books suddenly fell on it. It's pain is extra-strong so you give it ExtraStrength Tylenol. Guess what happens next time? Nothing. It takes only 50mg to 60mg of Tylenol to poison a cat. 1 ExtraStrength Tylenol tablet is about 10 times that amount (500mg). You killed your cat. It's dead now and there is no "next time"..

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Q. What did the black lawyer say to the rabbi? A. We're both highly educated professionals.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What is the difference between a pumpkin and a dead baby? There are thousands of differences between a dead human and the fruit of a pumpkin plant. One of them is that I didn't choke my wife to death with a pumpkin. Another is that pumpkins have a stem.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did the Mexican cross the road? The light was green.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

How many babies can you fit in a toilet? To be exact you would have to do all this math, so I tested it out myself and got 7.6.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

A seal walks into a club...and is taken in custody by animal control due to the club having a no animal policy.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What is yellow and bright? The sun.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

-What animal has the best vision? -I hate when you try to talk dirty during sex

thumb_up thumb_down +16

A homeless guy on the brink of starvation found one dollar lying on the street. He took it and bought a lottery ticket at the local drugstore. God was looking down on him with pity that day and decided that day that he would no longer be a vagabond. The next day, the homeless man won the lottery jackpot, worth 100 million dollars. He declared that on that day, he was the luckiest and happiest man alive. He then woke up in a pile trash.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops