Why did the...uhh.... Lamp.

What has three eyes, scales, seventeen stomachs, and can produce milk? Nothing. Nature has not yet evolved any animal to these specifications.

How do you distinguish between an unlabeled carton of milk and an unlabeled carton of cream without breaking the seals? You label them.

A black man is sitting in front of the bus Then he respectfully gives up his seat to an elder woman

Why did the chicken cross the road? I have no idea, and neither does the chicken, for chickens do not possess the ability to reason.

A man became infected with Staphylococcal Food Poisoning. The doctor said, "You only have 24 hours to live." He died 24 hours later.

Alister Darling plucks his eyebrows.

knock knock who's th...AIDS.....

Q: Why did the duck eat some grass? A: because we are so careless that we caused global causing the entire pond to shrink to a size where it cannot raise a family and the fish could not prosper so the duck could not eat what it had forcing it do consume an inedible substence causing it to die because is not a natural part of a ducks diet

Slam! Slam! Slam! I'm a woodpecker. Slam! Slam! Slam! Except with dirt.

Chinese men having large penis.

Why did the fisherman go to Alaska? The commercial fishing business is strong there and it was a sound financial decision.

Why was the blond stupid? She wasnt, its just that everyone loves stereotypes

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Two apples are hanging from a tree. They are both picked, sold, taken home, washed, and enjoyed by a family of three.

Q: Who wants a chick with big breasts? A: Everyone apparently, because chickens are being genetically engineered that way because people are racist about what part of the chicken then want to eat. The white meat or the dark meat. Guess what? Now they can't walk because they are top heavy. And who's fault is that? The people who only eat the white meat.

Why was the washing machine laughing? Because you're on drugs.

What does a homeless man get for his birthday? 25 cents

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead

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Why did the blonde get a good occupation? Because she had a great education in a private school.

What did the boy with no arms or legs get for Christmas? Nobody know he couldn't open it.

Thumbs up if you're reading this in 2015!

what do you call a baby in a blender? A really funny event.