there was a rich kid strolling in the woods.he saw a bear, HE DIED

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Knock Knock? whos there? The man at the door then finds himself thinking what his last name is as he lately got amnesia

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more chocolate?

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What is invisible and smells like cheese? Cheese. I lied about the invisible part, because cheese is not invisible.

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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Why did Suzie fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock! Who's there? Not Suzie.

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Pain Olympics.

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hi anti joke

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Two gorillas walked into a bar and it hurt

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What did the cashier say to the blonde? That will be $5.39, would you like a receipt?

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What's good? Anything that is not bad.

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Whats the similairity between a dog and a cat? They're both cats, except for the dog.

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that awkward moment when your teachers a duck

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Netflix and chill

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I hate it when I go running and my diick always gets road rash from being dragged So I cut it off

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It's probably not a good idea that you're in here. You're a very large animal. Any sudden movements, you may injure somebody. I don't know why you're here. None of the glasses are ergonomically designed for you to drink from them. So, you should probably leave.

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kaite is dumb that is true

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What did Helen Keller say when she fell into a well? Nothing. She died upon impact and her family mourned her death for years.

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Why did the beautiful woman marry the ugly poor old man? She was blonde & was therefor not aware that he wasn't rich nor younge.

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What did the man say when he was having sex with his wife? That feels quite good.

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Yeah, Eliza, its me, its so strange, you are the only one I remember from highschool, I was worried you had forgotten about me, anyway, yeah type as if you where speaking to him, and dont worry, I know I could not keep a secret back then, and I told Nero, so and he promised me he would kindly break my fingers if I told anyone, besides I dont do that anymore trust me.

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i keep getting thumbs down...

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Q. What's the difference between a bench and a Mexican? A. A bench is an inanimate object used for sitting on while a Mexican is a human being.

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Why did the chines were sunglasses? It was sunny.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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