Q. What did the buddhist monk say to the hotdog vendor? A. "I'd like a hotdog, please."

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How many Jews can you fit in a car? It really depends on the make and model of the car, as well as the relative size and weight of the people in question, but legally you can only have as many people in the car as there are seatbelts available for them.

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Why was the washing machine laughing? Because you're on drugs.

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hating his life and his job, the man leaves work early and while he is in the elavator he has thoughts about killing himself after returning to his apartment he turns on the TV and grabs his gun out of the drawer. sitting in a chair with a gun to his head he looks at the TV and realizes that his office building has just been hit by a 747 piloted by Al-Quida members. Suddenly the man realizes that maybe he has something to live for and decides not to kill himself.

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Q. why did I get hurt A. My pants fell off

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HOLY SHIT ITS AN AIRPANE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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What's red and the size of a packet of crisps? A Miscarriage

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Why are they called waiters? Because you got to wait for them for a fucking long time. Why do they call you a patient. Just so you wont get impatient, if you do you are no longer a patient and they will ignore you.

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Why was the boy running There was a giraffe chasing him

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What is a Will And Dan put together A WillDan HAHAHAHAHA

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i stole a monkey from a man in a yellow hat his name is george now his name is i hate you

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How do you make a plumber cry? You kill his family.

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Why did the black man crash his car? His low-income job forced him to buy a toyota.

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What do you call a kid with no arms and an eye-patch? Names

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Knock Knock Who's there? Not Michael Jackson!

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what's the difference between two pieces of bacon and a blond girl? The blond girl is a human and it's against the law to eat her.

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Q. Why can’t a Skeleton Lift Weights? A. He’s all bone & no muscle.

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Why did the white bartender kick out a black man and his Mexican friend out of the bar? It was closing time

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I donated to Kony 2012. Litterally to Kony. I approve of his actions.

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knock knock, Whos there ? ( runs away ) trololololololololol

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Q. Why is the road black? A. One hundred million dollars!

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One day i woke up, and found my wife dead on the floor. lol.

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Yo momma so fat you have aids

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What's worse then a bad hair day? Hattie.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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