whats green and falls from trees, pool tables.

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1: Knock knock. 2: Who's there? 1: Boo. 2: Please do come on in Boo, its so lovely to see you!

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What did your mom say after she went sky diving? Nothing, her parachute didn't open

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what is the best way to start a car? put in the key and turn it.

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Why didn't Hitler like steak? He was a vegetarian.

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A priest, a minister and a rabbit were seated next to each other on an airplane. They all had to pay for lunch.

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Why did the man say ow? He got his dick caught in his zipper.

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Q: How many babies does it take to paint a room? A: Depends on how hard you can throw.

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Two carnivorous dinosaurs get into a fight. Carnage ensues and many baby dinosaur eggs are stomped on, and in the end they both die.

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What is the difference between a pumpkin and a dead baby? There are thousands of differences between a dead human and the fruit of a pumpkin plant. One of them is that I didn't choke my wife to death with a pumpkin. Another is that pumpkins have a stem.

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Why was the white girl crying? Because she was sad.

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A man and Sasquatch are walking down the shoreline on the eastern coast, the man looks back at the foot prints in the sand, he notices that during the hardest parts of his life, there were only one pair of footprints, while in his easiest moments, he sees two pairs of footprints; the man is disturbed about this and he asks Sasquatch this. "Sasquatch, Although you have always promised to be with me in my life, I see that when I needed you most, you were never there. Why is this Sasquatch?" Sasquatch replies, "HREAAHAHG?!"

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Knock-knock jokes with sjws: Knock knock! Who's there? A transgender! A transgender who? WOW. It's 2016, people. If you can't recognize a transgender, you're a disgusting piece of cis white male scum! OH! OHH! "I'm sorry lady"? Do I LOOK like a lady to you? I'm a- no- sir- stop interrupting me. SIR! I identify as a gender fluid demisexual! "What does that matter?" Oh my god. Well it wouldn't matter if I identified as a goddamn piece of salami to you would it??? Huh? I'm confusing you? WOW! What a priveleged- oh! So I'M being rude? OKAY! FINE! I'm recording this you know. You're going ALL over the Internet. Oh yes you are! No, hey, my privilege cam! You just took it this is rape! You are assaulting me! Don't just shove it back into my hands like that! I call patriarchy! Oh no, I'm not done with you! Don't you close that door you Goddamn piece of sh- *slam*

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A: I've got a new knock knock jokes! Wanna hear it? B: Yeah. A: Oh you first. B: Knock knock! A: Who's there?

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Why couldn't Austin eat his noodles? He was a horse, and horses don't have hands, silly goose!

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A grasshopper hops into a bar. The bartender looks down at him and says "Hey, we have a drink named after you." the grasshopper looks up at the bartender...then proceeds to hop along because Grasshoppers can't communicate with humans. Then several of the bars patrons looked at the bartender, worried for his mental health.

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Why didnt jimmy go to school? He had a hangover

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What's funnier than 24? My life.

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Two Iranians walk into an airport They show their passports and proceed to fly to their home in Minnesota

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Q. How do you make time fly? A. It is highly impossible to make time fly for there is 24 hours in a day, 60 minutes in an hour, and 60 seconds in a minute so therefore the time flows how it should and we do not have such power to do it even though many people claim they do when they know they really don't

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If a girl sleeps with 20 guys, she's a slut. If a guy does the same... He's Gay.

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Whats, red, blue, green, yellow, feels like popcorn, looks like jello, tastes like hydrogen peroxide and smells like burning logs? i dont know. i was asking you

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A Polar Bear walks into a bar and says to the barman: "Barman! Give me a whiskey and ............................................................coke." The barman says: "Why the big pause?" to which the Polar bear replies: "Well uhm my father had big paws"

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Yo Mama so stupid because she's been addicted to marijuana since she was a teenager, and has lost many brain cells. Resulting in her forgetting simple things like your birthday, her own name, etc. She has also developed lung cancer. She's predicted to die in two months if she continues to smoke as she does now.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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