When life gives you skittles, throw them at random people and say "taste the freaking rainbow!"

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What did the man on a business trip to Japan say to his wife on the phone? The nuclear reactor in the next city over is melting down as we speak. If I don't see you again, I love you.

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what did the blind santa say to the jewish child jewish people don't believe in santa...awkward.

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Why did the bartender tell the black man to "Get Out"? It was 4 a.m and the bar closed at 3:30 a.m an honest mistake by the man.

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Why did the elephant cross the river? CAUSE YOLO (even though he died)

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PENIS THAT IS ALL!

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What's worse then finding a worm in your apple? Getting rape.d by a giant scorpion.

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ey can i pick your scabs plzz

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Why did the boy drop his ice cream? Because he had no arms.

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Yo Momma's so fat she has Type 1 Diabetes.

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What do you call a man who stole from a thief? A thief, no matter whom you are stealing from the consequences are dire.

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What did the white cop say to the black thug? he didn't... he got shot before he could say anything

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What did the convicted necrophiliac pedophile do when he found a dead baby? He reported it to the authorities because despite his past habits and behaviour, and after years of rehabilitation he became a responsible and considerate citizen

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How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a light-bulb? I'm melting!

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Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

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Why did Billy drop his ice cream? He was hit by a bus

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A man took his son out to play catch. The boy didn't even try to catch the ball. After that the man took his son to the amusement park to have fun. The boy didn't even try to have fun. Then the man took his son to the burger place nearby. Once again the son didn't even touch his food. Finally the man lost his temper and beat his seemingly ungrateful son and cried over the fact that his son was mentally retarded.

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How do you starve a Mexican? Deny him Food Stamps.

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Why did Harry get in the taxi? His mother told him to put his seatbelt on.

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Why can't Hellen Keller drive? Shes been dead for some time now.

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A: Knock knock B: Who’s there? A: The police B: The police who? A: Ma’am, your son is dead.

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What do you call two black guys flying a plane? Pilots.

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Why did the panda fall out of the tree? Because he was dead. Why did the second panda fall out of the tree? Because he was stapled to the first panda. Why did the third panda fall out of the tree? Because he was dead. Why did the fourth panda fall out of the tree? Peer pressure. -BG_Shank_A

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Why doesn't Santa come in the summer? Because it's not Christmas.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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