Knock Knock! Who's there? Adolf Hitler. Adolf Hitler, who? Be quiet and hand over your Jews!

Why does Santa Claus drink so much hot Cocoa? Because Mrs. Claus got tired of his constant drunkenness and won't allow beer in the house in the house anymore.

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If Johnny has 5 apples and Susie has 7 apples, will they give them to the homeless?

Why cant Joe drive his tractor? Because he doesn't have any arms or legs. Why doesn't Joe have any arms or legs? BECAUSE JOE IS A POTATO.

Why did Greg move to the Lake District? Because his dog died and the family is in mourning.

Why did the chicken cross the road? He wanted to see the CN tower. He was then hit by a fridge dropped by people running tests on the top floor.

Why was the black man eating fried chicken and watermelon? He was at home

What did the Pope say to the homosexual couple? Welcome to the community.

A man walks into a bar, sits down and the bartender comes over and asks him what he wants to drink. The man replies, "Carrot Juice."

Guess what? You guessed it.

I really did not understand the chapter. Is there anyway I can meet with you at a later time to discuss what I did wrong?

Two blondes and a brunnett walk into a bar. Remarkably, there was nothing else notable about any of them.

A man is walking on the beach, he trips on a mystical lamp and dusts i off a little. turns out that it was just a lamp, he droped it back on the sand and was arrested for littering.

A doctor walks into a bar, he stumbles backwards as he is taking his coat off, and the barman chuckles.

A woman walks into a bar, and the bartender says "Yes ma'am?". She orders a gin and tonic, but the bartender had gave her two without realising, and so she pays for one only. She starts to contemplate whether to tell the bartender about his error or to just leave it and have a free glass of gin and tonic. However as she is a christian, gluttony is a sin, and she already had enough to drink today. However, she feels the need to have a relaxing drink today, because as she was on her job as a receptionist, when a customer tripped on the last step of the stairs behind her and broke his neck, dying instantly, which deeply saddened her. This later led her to indulge on 3 glasses of red wine in the staff room. She finally concludes after a few moments pondering, to not tell the bartender about his error, and pampered herself with two relaxing glasses of gin and tonic. Her dead, mutilated body was later found in the rubble of a car after a head-on collision with a truck.

Zombies eat brains! (You're safe)

Jesus, Buddha and Mohamed walked into a bar and say: "There is as much validity in this fiction as in our collective works.

roses are red violets are blue everyone is stupid how about you? -I'm not Im black

What happened to the guy that took to many lunesta pills? He fell asleep but he was glad it was the weekend or he would have been late for his job

Q. What did the 300 pound Asian get for Valentine's day A. A jetpack. Except for the fact that the previous sentence was an obvious lie making this whole joke irrelevant.

A horse walks into a bar, the bartender says why the long face? The horse does not reply because it is a horse. He then is confused of where he is and gallops out of the bar, knocking over a couple stools.

What do women and airplanes have in common? They both have cockpits!

what's bad about pushing your friend off a cliff? you can't do it twice