What's the biggest Jenga game? 9/11

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Why did i write this joke? Because i'm a try hard.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

All this fuss about drink driving is a load of crap! I frequently drink and drive, and I've never had an accident, apart from one small collision in which my wife was paralysed from the neck down.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Jack and Jill went up the hill, to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down and broke his crown, and Jill came tumbling after. Up Jack got, and home did trot, as fast as he could caper, to old Dame Dob, who proceeded to get Jill convicted of attempted murder, as well as several millions of dollars for pain and suffering.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

CAN YOU FIND YOUR D I C K YET BOMBER

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Why was the black boy late for school? He missed the bus

thumb_up thumb_down -41

Dont read this joke

thumb_up thumb_down -43

What's worst than finding a worm in your apple? Nickleback.

thumb_up thumb_down -43

What is green, dangorous, slow, defencive, and scared? A turtle with a uzi.

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Where is the center of the universe? There is no center of the universe! According to the standard theories of cosmology, the universe started with a "Big Bang" about 14 thousand million years ago and has been expanding ever since. Yet there is no center to the expansion; it is the same everywhere. The Big Bang should not be visualised as an ordinary explosion. The universe is not expanding out from a center into space; rather, the whole universe is expanding and it is doing so equally at all places, as far as we can tell. In 1929 Edwin Hubble announced that he had measured the speed of galaxies at different distances from us, and had discovered that the farther they were, the faster they were receding. This might suggest that we are at the center of the expanding universe, but in fact if the universe is expanding uniformly according to Hubble's law, then it will appear to do so from any vantage point. If we see a galaxy B receding from us at 10,000 km/s, an alien in galaxy B will see our galaxy A receding from it at 10,000 km/s in the opposite direction. Another galaxy C twice as far away in the same direction as B will be seen by us as receding at 20,000 km/s. The alien will see it receding at 10,000 km/s:

thumb_up thumb_down -45

theres a fork in a drawer half way open and a knife in a cup on the counter. how does the knife get into the drawer, it cant knife are incapable of moving

thumb_up thumb_down -49

Knock knock. Whos there? Death. You will die in the next 12 hours from terminal cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down -51

Person 1: today my doctor said I'm dyslexic Person 2: oh yeah? Are you ahdd too?

thumb_up thumb_down -59

What do you call a man who rides on unicorns? A liar. Unicorns don't exist.

thumb_up thumb_down +52

Knock Knock Nobody answered because the people in the house were away.

thumb_up thumb_down +50

What's white and bobs up and down in a babies crib? A pedophiles ass.

thumb_up thumb_down +50

A bear and a rabbit are walking i n the woods until they spot a magic genie. The bear mauls the rabbit because it is the rabbit's natural predator and is indifferent to the genie because it has no prior education on persian mythology.

thumb_up thumb_down +50

Why did the chicken cross the road? He looked both ways and saw there was no traffic.

thumb_up thumb_down +48

What starts with 'P' and ends with 'orn'? Popcorn.

thumb_up thumb_down +46

It was a dark and stormy night. The whole family waiting for the phone to ring as they await for a criminal to give instructions. Then the phone rings... RING RING Jeffery: "Hello? Yes, sir. Yes, sir. No sir please don't! No, have mercy! Yes sir. No sir, no. Yes sir. Bye." Donald: "What did the man say?" Jeffery: "Wrong number..."

thumb_up thumb_down +46

A man goes to the doctor. The doctor says: both your legs are broken in 10 places, you will never walk again.

thumb_up thumb_down +44

What do you call a black man with a speech impediment? By his name.

thumb_up thumb_down +44

A ginger kid and his 5 friends walk into a bar

thumb_up thumb_down +42

How do you kill a blonde? Shoot her.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops