1 + 1 = 11 Just kidding, it's 2 you moron.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Whats the difference between a pizza and a baby? Humans don't eat babies, other than a Cannibals because some tend to eat babies.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

There once was a man named Steve. One day, Steve stumbled stupidly, shredding his shirt, shoes and shorts and subsequently shocking Susie; a small shy salsa student. When he arrived home, Steve's wife asked "how was your day dear?" Steve panicked at the thought of having to explain this traumatic event, but thankfully he had undergone speech therapy for his lisp.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Henry was struck by a train. He was mourned by his parents.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

How do you get 1,000 dead babies into a car? Blender. How do you get them out? Well you shouldn't. Leave the car in front of somebody that you hate's house.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

A man and his horse walk into a bar, he is told to leave because animals are not allowed on the property

thumb_up thumb_down -17

I think I am done here friend, it always comes to this, it has always been easier for me to repair whatever is wrong with others and get my kicks out of that, as I know I can and will repair everything wrong with myself, but its hard as hell, I mean I never give up, ever. But that does not change the fact that I am broken, and that simply deciding that I am not, is far from enough, its a choice indeed, but its like deciding to constantly walk trough hell, and sometimes that hell is also called living, that too is always a choice, And believe me, I would never quit, I guess that if this hell I struggle trough has so many nice things in it, it just feels like hell at times. I mean the main motivation behind my ability to help others, has always been searching for answers low and high, and when what I have learned trough life helps others, but barely scratches the surface of the armor I am confined within, I lose hope, do you believe that my desire to help humanity grow, derived from my own incompetence at curing myself?

thumb_up thumb_down -17

A man decided to commit suicide. He did.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What did the President give his wife for her birthday? Women's Rights.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

So this farmer had theses two amazingly fast horses, one named slokey and the other pokey. They would run in the pasture and bring many people to watch. So one day this man says hey, you should enter them in the county derby. So he does and the whole race its slokey, pokey slokey, pokey, and slokey wins by a nose. So after the farmer collects his prize money a man walks up and says, hey those horses are pretty fast, you should enter them in the state derby. So he loads his horses up to the capital and prepares them. When the gates open slokey and pokey dash out of the gate. The whole race its slokey, pokey, slokey, pokey, and slokey wins by a nose. After all the press conferences a man says, hey you should enter those horses in the kentucky derby. So the farmer enters them and drives down to kentucky. The gates open and the whole time its slokey, pokey, slokey, pokey, and slokey wins by a nose. After the press meetings a man says hey you should enter your horses in the european derby. The farmer says no, im going to retire my horses. One fall afternoon pokey says to slokey, man, i wish i could have won a single race. So they race around the huge pasture and the whole way its slokey, pokey, slokey pokey, and pokey wins by a nose! All the farm animals go crazy and the farm dog says "congratulations pokey you finally won!" And pokey says "HOLY SHIT A TALKING DOG!"

thumb_up thumb_down -19

why did the chicken cross the road? no one knows because it got hit by a bus.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

a man was walking and saw a snake he was not afraid of snakes so he kept walking

thumb_up thumb_down -19

69 HAHAHAHAHAHAHA *goes crazy and shoots himself*

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Picture This, you are going down the freeway in a yellow four-door banana, going 75 mph and all 4 tires blow out, how many pancakes does it take to cover a doghouse? Theres no bones in ice cream.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

knock knock? who's there? ted? ted who? stop f***ing around, you got cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

What is the difference between a plum and an elephant? One is purple, and not an elephant.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Why little Susie often molested as a child? She was probably a good-looking child.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

What do you call a dog with no legs? Disabled.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

if my evil next door neighbor is building a rocket to steal the moon with the help of 3 little girls, a grumpy old man and about 5000 small yellow poeple; what do i do? get sued for coping a copyrighted movie plot

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Knock! Knock! Who's There? The Police. Open the damn door. Nobody Is Home.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Have you ever seen that really famous blind man's house? Neither has he.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

roses are red violets are blue get to close to me ill have to give aids to you!

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Knock knock Who's there? No one you care bout so why did u say who's there?

thumb_up thumb_down -19

I was approached the other day by an officer as he asked... "Son where are your parents?" I replied, "I dont know i'm an orphan" The officer then laughed and walked away

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops