Knock knock Who's there? I'm the Dick I'm the dick who? I'm the Dick Cheney

thumb_up thumb_down +9

How are you this morning?

thumb_up thumb_down +5

If you have a green ball in your left hand and a green ball your right hand, what do you have? Kermit the Frog's undivided attention

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What do you call a gardener in Mexico? Un Jardinero.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Two ducks are sitting on washcloths in the middle of a lake. One duck looks to the other and asks, "hey, do you have any soap?" to which the other duck responds, "what do you think I am, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Why did the Muslim guy look nervous and sweaty when the plane took off? Because he is claustrophobic. Racist fucks

thumb_up thumb_down -25

boobs

thumb_up thumb_down -25

The Olympics

thumb_up thumb_down -41

How many people can you fit in an oven? A: I Don't know ask a holocaust survivor.

thumb_up thumb_down -57

What is the oppisite of water? Dry!

thumb_up thumb_down +134

Why did the alligator travel through time? To get to the other side.

thumb_up thumb_down +130

Why can't Hellen Keller drive? Shes been dead for some time now.

thumb_up thumb_down +104

On a plane directed to Buffalo there are: an italian, a french and a greek. They all go there for tourism

thumb_up thumb_down +48

A man walks into a bar. He had to leave promptly because he, according to the law, was too young to be served alcohol.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Why did the man complain of pain in his ankle? Because several consecutive tissue samples of the area revealed a rapidly metastasizing neoplasm. Blood samples indicated the presence of what appeared to be Hodgkins Lymphoma. The man was very wealthy, however, and had world class doctors treat him. He then donated a vast portion of his wealth to research.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

A man walks into a bar and has a wonderful time drinking with his friends, arrives home at a reasonable time and goes to bed.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

I have no soul so I must consume yours

thumb_up thumb_down +4

My mother-in-law is so ugly I actually feel quite sorry for her.

thumb_up thumb_down

The hippo's an African beast, Who notably is quite obese, Quite boorish and mean And never too lean And poops in the rivers, at least...

thumb_up thumb_down -2

A man took his son out to play catch. The boy didn't even try to catch the ball. After that the man took his son to the amusement park to have fun. The boy didn't even try to have fun. Then the man took his son to the burger place nearby. Once again the son didn't even touch his food. Finally the man lost his temper and beat his seemingly ungrateful son and cried over the fact that his son was mentally retarded.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What happens when you stick your finger in a pencil sharpener? Blood everywhere.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

A guy walks up to a girl and says: " hey can I have your number so can I have your text you later?" she says " no" he says " why ?" she says" guess" He says " look if you don't like me thats okay, " he gets up and walks away, turns out she doesn't have a cell phone, she was gonna give him her house number to call.

thumb_up thumb_down -44

How many Jews died in the Holocaust? Not enough.

thumb_up thumb_down -46

Why was Tom flunking in school? He had a learning disability.

thumb_up thumb_down -92

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops