If life gives you lemons, give them back. They were probably stolen, and even if they weren't, lemons are a pretty shitty gift to give someone.

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Q: How mature are you on a scale of 1 to 100? A: 69. :)

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A: Ask me if I'm a truck. B: Are you a truck? A: No.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Fred. Hello Fred.

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What's worse then dumping your' girlfriend over text? Dumping her best friend over text at the same time.

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What did the alien discuss with the other alien? Something we discussed.

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I'm hungry.

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Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get shrgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

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What's brown and sticky? Poop.

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Whats worse than breaking your pencil? Getting a cactus shoved up your ass.

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There once was a man from Nantucket.

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Who gave Max head georgia Hidi

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Why was the Nazi killed? for crimes against Humanity

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When does the narwhal bacon? When the universe looses its realism to the point where every animals' meat is bacon at a certain time, and a person hunts a narwhal at the crack of dawn when there is a triple rainbow and the narwhal's DNA is combined with a pig's just long enough for the meat to be bacon when the person shoots it.

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? -- Because she had no arms Why did sally drop her ice cream? -- Because she got ran over by the ice cream truck

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What do you get when you cross a dog and a cat? A hybrid animal that can never exist to do each species own genetic make-up which would subsequently reject the other's. I.E. The cat would reject the dog sperm from ever fertilizing and the dog would reject cat sperm.

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How did the ship-less pirate cross the Atlantic? In an airplane.

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What's yellow and can not swim? A Bulldozer

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What do you do when you see a mentally challenged kid in a wheelchair? Walk up and offer to push him, as you should since he probably hasn't had a lot of friends in his lifetime.

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Did you see Stevie Wonder's new house? No? Don't worry, he didn't either

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A twelve year old walks into a bar. How Tragic

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Why did the koala fall out of the tree? It was dead.

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170

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What do you get when you mix a racoon and a human. A Smoothie

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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