the other day i saw a mouse run across my floor. i said "okay" and proceeded with my life

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A woman walks into a sex sop, she buys a dildo.

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Why did the car slam its brakes on? There was a infant under the bonnet.

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Knock, Knock Whose there? your friend Oh ok (opens the door) (it was not his friend but instead it was a giant panda who robbed him of his goods).

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Grammar ... the difference between knowing your shit, and knowing you're shit.

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1: Why did the chicken cross the road? 2: The chicken has a right to privacy, stop questioning what she does

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A man walks into a bar. He had to leave promptly because he, according to the law, was too young to be served alcohol.

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Haiku's are three lines long. This isn't a haiku.

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Are you a tree? No.

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A twelve year old walks into a bar. How Tragic

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What did the white cop say to the black thug? he didn't... he got shot before he could say anything

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Two astronauts go kayaking in the Sahara Desert. How many pancakes does it take to shingle doghouse? Purple, because ice cream has no bones.

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A inventor was wandering around the desert one day, then he found a magic lamp, he rubbed on it and thus came up a genie! The genie asked: What do you want? The inventor responded: Meh, no idea... Thy wish is granted, answered the genie. The now ex inventor never came up with something new ever again.. Moral: Huh?

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Mary once had a boyfriend with a wooden leg; however, itt was a highly dysfunctional relationship, as the boyfriend was much too possessive of Mary. So Mary was forced to bring a close to the relationship.

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What happens when you stick your finger in a pencil sharpener? Blood everywhere.

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What did the psychiatrist say to the man when he walked into his office naked and wrapped in saran wrap? I can see your 'nuts'...

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How many people can you fit in an oven? A: I Don't know ask a holocaust survivor.

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A baby tastes grapefruit juice for the first time. She is allergic and immediately begins convulsing and dies.

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What do you get when you cross a dog and a cat? A hybrid animal that can never exist to do each species own genetic make-up which would subsequently reject the other's. I.E. The cat would reject the dog sperm from ever fertilizing and the dog would reject cat sperm.

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What's big, wet and hairy? Not what you think it is.

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Q: What's the meaning of life? A: Look in a Dictionary.

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Why did Doris have no control over her bladder? Because she was old and suffered catastrophic incontinence

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Miley Cyrus.

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I asked my Grandma if she ever tried 69. And she said, “No, but I have done 53 -- that's all the sailors I could screw in one night.”

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops