Two ducks are sitting on washcloths in the middle of a lake. One duck looks to the other and asks, "hey, do you have any soap?" to which the other duck responds, "what do you think I am, a typewriter?"

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Q: Why was the boy sad? A: He dropped his ice cream. Q: Why was the boy mad? A: He dropped his ice cream. Q: Why was the boy in pain? A: Because a clown was ripping off the boys big toes with a hacksaw, all the while causing the small boy emotional pains by killing the boy's orange cat.

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Whats worse than a dead baby in a puddle of blood? A dead baby in soup.

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Why did my cat die? I drowned it in the bath.

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How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Approximately 75 pounds of wood a day

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Women's Rights.

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What's worse than finding a repeated joke on Anti-Joke? Your family being massacred in front of your eyes.

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If a man without hands is called a handicap, what do you call a man without legs? A handicap.

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How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Trick question; feminists can't change anything.

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A man buys free health care...

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An irish man calls a black man a nigger. The offended black man then proceeds to ravenously beat the Irish man's head into a nearby curb.

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you know somebody is lying when it IS opposite day.

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My claustrophobia was cured by imagining that all small spaces were naked.

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A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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Confucius says... The superior man, when resting in safety, does not forget that danger may come. When in a state of security he does not forget the possibility of ruin. When all is orderly, he does not forget that disorder may come. Thus his person is not endangered, and his States and all their clans are preserved.

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Joe Paterno dosn't walk into a police station.-South Park

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It wanted honey. Why did the chicken cross the road? It wanted to get to his house. Why did the chicken cross the road? It was stupid.

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Knock knock Who's there? I'm the Dick I'm the dick who? I'm the Dick Cheney

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What did Osama Bin Laden say to Hitler? Nothing. Hitler died many years ago now and he was in no position of power during Bin Laden's reign of terror due to the fact that he was already dead. Therefore it is impossible that they could have had any sort of conversation. But now Bin Laden is dead as well. HIGH FIVE!!!!!!!

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Yo mama so fat she doesn't need news, shes worldwide. ~YN~

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What's bigger than your penis? The Empire State Building.

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Sheesh people! Stop insulting my last comment! Do not GO into my comment section, I do not WANT YOU to keep thumbing up those that call me pedo. Moral: Norway... you gonna call us all pedophiles? Please... besides I prefer them over nineteen... the downside is that they often got a couple of kids already at that age... Sigh...

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roses are red violets are blue i suck at poetry show me your tits

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what would be worse then 9/11 and the holocaust? -if the twin towers fell on a concentration camp

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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