What do cows and grass have in common? They both say "moo", except for the grass.

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Why wasn't the dog obedient? Because it was dead.

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No thank you, I don't like violence

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Why did the tight shirted Asian man spend all his time on his knees? Because when he was 12 he was forced to work in a textile factory where he lost his lower legs.

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whats the difference between justin beiber and a gay guy? both guys and girls like gay guys

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Adam Claypool walks into a bar. He immediately sucks the bartender's dick because he is the biggest queer anyone has ever seen

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Why was Timmy's hair shaved? He had cancer and was going though Chemo.

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Dear Sarah, My name is Jesse, and I am severely overweight. BOUNCE ON MY DICK LIKE TYGA BITCH, Your lover, Jesse.

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock? Whos there? Not Sally...

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A dyslexic man walks into a bra. It was hanging on a clothes line he didn't see.

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How do you say vampire in spanish? Vampiro.

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Two Jews walk into a bar. They have a lengthy discussion regarding the hardships their people have suffered throughout history. Eventually, the subject changes to which coffee franchise has the best blend. A clear, concise decision is never reached. They then are asked to leave the bar, as they have not ordered any drinks and the bar is for paying customers only.

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A man spots Bill Murray at a restaurant in Los Angeles. He proceeds to tell his friends the story, who in turn believe him, as the story is plausible.

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A man with ADD walks into a bar, what did he say? Look a squirrel!!!

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What did the fat gypsy say to the attractive young woman aged twenty-five? I know you are probably not remotely interested in having sex with me, but I'm afraid that you have no choice due to the fact that I've locked all of the doors.

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What do you call a stupid anti-joke? Stupid.

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what's the worst thing ever? reality TV shows and singing contest shows

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Knock Knock, Who's There? Come in. Come in who? Your mom

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How did Moses make his tea? He steeped the tea lives for around 5 minutes in hot water.

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Q:Why didn't Mr. Fuzzy have to cut his hair anymore? A: Because he was diagnosed with cancer

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In the middle of a long flight from Heathrow to Chicago O'Hare, the passengers of a 747 watched the engines all suddenly flame out. "Now, folks," the captain said over the PA as the plane plummeted to the earth, "I want it on record that I said it in plain English: a 747 can't fly from Heathrow to Chicago without refueling." No one bothered writing it down.

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If I give you 5 dollars, and you give me 5 dollars, then we both still have 5 dollars, which when combined will equal 10 dollars. Meaning we could buy something that cost's 10 dollars or less. But we should probably also factor in tax, so we should only buys something that costs a little over 9 dollars.

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Q: Whats the longest book in the library A: Understanding Women

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Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? At age two, she contracted an illness that left her blind, deaf, unable to speak, and was considered backwards of intelligence. She lived in a dark and hopeless world of her own, rendering her unable to do anything, let alone drive.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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