You don't need to know a girls period schedule. Just look in the garbage.

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Justin Bieber

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A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Some poems rhyme, But this one doesn't.

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Why did Susie fall off the swing? She has no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Susie.

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Q: what's black and white and red all over? A: someone getting murderd on a news paper

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What did Osama Bin Laden say to Hitler? Nothing. Hitler died many years ago now and he was in no position of power during Bin Laden's reign of terror due to the fact that he was already dead. Therefore it is impossible that they could have had any sort of conversation. But now Bin Laden is dead as well. HIGH FIVE!!!!!!!

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Why did the boat sink? It ran into an iceberg.

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In Soviet Russia, Joke isn't funny!

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Why was the brick acting yellow? No, because it's allowed via Tuesday.

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did it hurt when you fell from heaven? cause it looked like you landed on your face

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What's the difference between a Jew and a piece of coal? The coal doesn't scream when you burn it.

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why do bananas wear sunscreen? becuase they peel!

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Why did the baby cross the road? It was tied to the chicken

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Ask me if I am a tree Are you a tree? ..no

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What do you say to a man, who calls you 3 AM? - "Hello!"

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What did Christopher Columbus say to his men before they got on the ship? "Men, get on the ship."

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What was the reason for the confused looking woman staring at the can of frozen Apple juice for twenty minutes? Some cans are difficult to open: The little ring bit comes off when you pull it, and then you have to work out a new way to open it, which takes patience and ingenuity.

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i like cats

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I SHOT SOMEBODY!!!! Said no stormtrooper ever.

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What is a vampires favorite desert? Vampires aren't real.

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What's the difference between a duck and a goose? They're two completely different water fowl.

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PATHETIC

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What happened after a Mexican drank 4 shots? He got drunk and died in a car accident.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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