Why did the football player go to the bank? He had to make a deposit and refinance his home.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What do you call a man who writes anti-jokes? Rhys, because that is my name. thank you

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Why am I losing my time writing this joke even knowing that I will get lots of thumbs down?

thumb_up thumb_down -28

I saw a man lying on the floor. He ate too much cake.

thumb_up thumb_down -42

when the doctor asked him why he was sad andreas replyd i have a small penis and drew and devin keep making me drop the soap

thumb_up thumb_down +143

My claustrophobia was cured by imagining that all small spaces were naked.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

How many hamburgers can a grizzly bear eat? Maybe 6.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

How do you stop a baby from flying? Hit it with a shovel.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? She was blind and deaf, leaving her unable to respond to external stimuli and thus unlikely to able to pass a basic driving test.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Yo mama so fat she doesn't need news, shes worldwide. ~YN~

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What would you if I slapped you in the face with a fish? Unless you are a push-over, it is likely that you would retaliate with anger.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What's the difference between mustangs and dead babies I don't collect mustangs

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What did the nurse say to the man who got an erection while being given a sponge bath? She assured him it was a normal reaction and moved on to clean his arms.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Are You McDonalds Because I'm Loving It

thumb_up thumb_down -19

How many Mexicans can you fit into a car? The bathroom is on the left, mam.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Why did the chicken cross the road? Why not

thumb_up thumb_down -33

What's the difference between a Jew and a piece of coal? The coal doesn't scream when you burn it.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

What did I write on this website? This antijoke.

thumb_up thumb_down -65

Did you hear about the man who fell out of an aeroplane at 2000 feet? He was taking part in a charity skydive to raise money for his dying brother, a chronic sufferer of cystic fibrosis.

thumb_up thumb_down -83

How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Trick Question. Baby's aren't smart enough comprehend changing light bulbs

thumb_up thumb_down -161

Anyone reading this I'm not writing anything Kevin

thumb_up thumb_down +174

A man buys free health care...

thumb_up thumb_down +98

When Chuck Norris runs, he doesn't even move a muscle.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops