What does a black person use to chop a tree down? An Ask.

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Knock knock Who's there? A pedofile, get in the van Ok

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How could you wake up Lady Gaga? poke her face

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If John has no nose, what do John's friends call him? John

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If a little boy teleported to mars how fast would he get there? Little boys are incapable of breaking down their molecular structure in order to send their individual particles faster than the speed of light in any given direction. Thus this question is illogical and can not be answered.

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UNICORNZ R PURPUL

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Wigan.

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Guess what. I eat weed and smoke yogurt

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Why did the house stink? There were decomposing bodies under the floor boards.

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Why is the sky blue? As the light from our Sun shines into the atmosphere, most of the colors are able to reach the Earth’s surface uninterrupted. However, because blue light has a wavelength that is the same size as the particulates in the air, this light is scattered in every direction. This blue light bounces from particulate to particulate until it eventually reaches your eyes. For this reason, no matter what direction you look in the sky, it appears to be blue. This blue light originated with the Sun, was bounced around in the sky many times, and then eventually reached your eyes.

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A blonde went to a doctor for a checkup. The blonde couldn't hear the doctor 'cuz she had headphones on so the doctor took them off. A couple of minutes later she died. The doctor was curious so he put the headphones on. It was saying, "Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out..."

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Zombies eat brains! (You're safe)

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Why did Suzie fall off the swing? She had no arms. Why didn't she get up? She had no legs. *Knock knock* Who's there? Not Suzie.

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What do you call Bilbo Baggins when you use him for pleasure? Dildo Baggins

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Where do baby apes sleep? In apricots

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Why did the meme cross the road? MEME XD

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why did the man start living on the street? he lost his job, his wife left him, and had his identity stolen.

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why did the little girl get her hair cut? she has cancer.

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If a quiz is also referred to as a quizzicle, then what is a test also referred to as? A test, really. There are no synonyms for 'test' which would result in a humorous punchline; 'exam,' 'essay' and 'evaluation' are the closest possible answers and none of them provide humor at all.

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When a blonde entered a bar, she ordered a something that was a double-entendre. The bartender understood what she was trying to say, gave her her order whatever alcohol she happened to consume, and the blonde woman could not have been more courteous.

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what has wings, bald but doesn't fly? a bald eagle... i lied at the flying part because i'm a f*cking lier from hell watching porn all day with my brother...

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How do you count all the jews in a village? The United States Census Bureau usually has reliable data so I would start there

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Violets are blue, Roses are red. The sentence before was completely irrelevant, but I needed something to say before I tell you, Your family's been murdered by the KKK.

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My tractor broke down.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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