- Anti Joke

What did the black man say to the asian? Hey.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles roll ed into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full.. The students responded with a unanimous ‘yes.’ The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand.The students laughed.. ‘Now,’ said the professor as the laughter subsided, ‘I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things—-your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions—-and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.. The sand is everything else—-the small stuff. ‘If you put the sand into the jar first,’ he continued, ‘there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and mow the lawn. Take care of the golf balls first—-the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand. One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented. The professor smiled.... And than he shove all the items up his ass

What's read, round and gets smaller? A baby combing its hair with a potato pearler

A woman walks into the bathroom and hears the sound of moaning. Not sure what to do she looks around and sees couples as far as the eye can see. She quickly turns to the woman and man standing next to her and asks what is going on here?! The woman says can't you read this is not a bathroom this is a public sex room! Only an idiot would ask that question. In shock the woman takes another look around and she spots someone she finds familiar. When she walks closer she finds that it is her boyfriend and that he is with another woman. Furious she walks up to him and slaps him in the face. The boyfriend looks at her and says sorry your sex just got old. Furious she says to him we never had sex!

What did the blonde do when her car broke down? Made a Facebook status about then called animal control.

i drive all the time its no big deal open the door and get behind the wheel

What did the little boy get for christimas? Nothing because he's a selfish asshole.

Why did the German Constitutional Court issue Decision 2 BvR 1390/12 on September 12, 2012? Because they wanted to refuse the request for a temporary injunction in regards to the European Stability Mechanism!

What did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor? Where's my tractor?

What's worrying about a middle-eastern man on a plane? The fact you are worrying about it.

holocaust is bad but its funny when you use it as a joke hehe

BOTTOM!!!

what do you call a man with no penis? what ever his name is

What's worse than stubbing your toe? Nothing.

Bob: Whats the difference between a fish and a microwave? Steve: I don't know Bob: Daaaamn your dumb!

My mom is such a bitch that no one will date her!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!TRUE STORY!! :D

Why did the baby cross the road? It was nailed to the chicken

A woman went in the kitchen and made you a sandwich.

What's worse than a gay joke? Their emotional repercussions, leading to a lack of self-esteem, which eventually drives the homosexual to commit suicide, leaving behind a now destroyed family.

Roses are red Violets are blue The more you know

What did the peanut say to the jelly

What do you call a medical student who finishes last in his class? Doctor.

WHO FRAMED ROGER RABBIT? roger rabbit while hilarious, was an idiot and framed himself....mind F***.

Why did the little girl fall off the swing? Because she had no hands.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Want more? You might be interested in...

Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops