Q: What do you call a grammatically incorrect horse? A: An horse

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Have you heard the joke about the Swedish surgeon who found a frog in his patient's stomach? Yes, you've told me it before.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as this could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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One game a Packers Player scored a touchdown and jumped into the stands. When everybody was touching him one girl put her hand on the inside of his thigh. He told the girl " If your hand goes a little higher you'll feel my touchdown spike."

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How do you kill a mocking bird. Shoot it.

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Q: What's worse than eating cauliflowers? A: Eating cauliflowers and getting raped by Jerry Sandusky at the age of 7.

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Why did people on a plane die? Because it crashed.

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Knock Knock Yes?

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Why did Jimmy through a glass at spouse? Jimmy was an abusive husband who had a tendancy to drink too much.

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Whats black and white and red all over Racial violence

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A: We're eating you for breakfast today. B: Thank you, I'll have my arm.

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If life gives you lemons your hallucinating

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Roses are gray Violets are gray I'm colorblind.

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Whats the difference between a Duck? One of its legs are both the same.

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What did the retarded guy say to the other retaarded guy? A. Your retarded

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the love boat

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What's rape when you shout surprise? The crime, committed by a man, of forcing another person to have sexual intercourse with him, especially by the threat or use of violence.

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How do u get a clown off of a swing? You hit him with an axe.

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what do you call a blonde with black hair? Artificial intelligence

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I suck at poetry, Show me your tits.

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What is orange and smells like a jewish cat. Nothing

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Who were the fastest readers of all time? The victims of 9/11. They went through over 87 stories in less than 2 1/2 minutes.

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Statistically speaking, one out if every seven dwarves are unhappy

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I now pronounce you man and lion. You may now kiss the pride.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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