What do you call a partially deaf obese man? Anything you want, it's unlikely that he'll hear you. If he does manage to catch what you said, your chances of outrunning him are very good considering that he's likely to tire before you, unless you're overweight yourself of course. If this is the case then perhaps you should hit the gym, obesity is a growing problem in the Western world and greatly increases your chance of heart disease and/or diabetes.

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What happens when you divide by zero? According to the limits in Calculus, 1/x as x approaches 0 becomes closer to infinity, so we can safely conclude that if we could divide by zero, it would be a form of infinity. Positive infinity for 1/0, negative infinity for -1/0 and unsigned infinity for 0/0, as zero has no sign.

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Ever heard of the dumb blonde joke? You probably wouldn't get it.

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Why are you angry dude? I can't see my forehead

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How do you stop a bus? You press the brake pedal, causing the brake pads to squeeze the tires. Which will slow the momentum of the bus to the point of stopping.

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A blonde walks into an electrics shop and asks to buy a television set. The shop-owner explains that she is signalling a microwave and is concerned for her mental wellbeing.

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hi bye

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Knock knok ! Whos there? Buhu ! Buhu Who? Why are you crying?

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there was a blind kid and a man wearing a WWJD & Livstrong bracelet touched his eyes and he could see. He wasn't used to the light and walked into traffic and died instantly.

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Q.What do you call a black man flying a plane? A. A black pilot you racist bastard

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I may have alzheimer's but at least I don't have alzheimer's.

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shauns beautiful

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Why was the black man smoking marijuana with his friends? He was at a glaucoma support group meeting.

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whats more annoying than being raped by a giant scorpian? finding out that half the anti-jokes are terrible

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Chuck Norris was once engaged by a woman for whom he had to fight a man to obtain all while doing a mundane activity in an unorthodox manner. He promptly declined for he is married and told the man he only fights for self-defense. He proceeded to put his pants on one leg at a time like everybody else.

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A doctor walks out of the delivery room and relieves A nervour father, telling him that his new baby girl has just been born with great health. The father sighs in relief as happyness overwhelms him. With such great news, the doctor chuckles and continues on with the rest of what he had to relay to the father. Your wife died during the delivery.

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charlie sheen losing

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An airplane has 100 bricks on-board. If you drop one brick, how many bricks would be left? 99 -------------------------------------------------------------------- How do you put a giraffe inside a refrigerator? Open the refrigerator, put the giraffe inside, close the refrigerator. -------------------------------------------------------------------- How do you put an elephant inside a refrigerator? Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put the elephant inside, close the refrigerator. -------------------------------------------------------------------- The Lion King gathered all the animals from the land to a meeting. Everyone came, except one. Who was the animal? The elephant. He's still inside the refrigerator. ------------------------------------------------------------------- You want to cross a river, but you know that there are crocodiles there. There is no bridge, vines to swing from, etc. How do you cross the river? Swim across the river. The crocodiles are at the meeting with The Lion King. ------------------------------------------------------------------- So you swimmed over the river, but how did you still die? You were hit by the brick falling from the airplane.

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Two scientists walk into a bar. The first scientist says, "I'll have some H2O." The second scientist says, "I'll have H2O too." The bartender gives them both water, realizing that H2O2 is poisonous and that the second scientist must have simple worded his request poorly.

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why was six afraid of seven? because seven murdered sixes wife and kids and said he was next.

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whats worse than finding out you have Alzheimer's? Finding out you have Alzheimer's

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Why didn't the chicken cross the road? The chicken had no legs and was therefore incapable of committing to such a challenge.

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A chicken walks into a McDonald's and the cashier asked the chicken what he would like to order. A man waiting for his meal walked out realizing that the employees of this restaurant were not who he wanted making his food.

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What did Winnie the Pooh say to Eeyore? Nothing, he just suffocated him in a pot of honey.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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