How do you stop a bird from flying? Shoot it with a harpoon gun.

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Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose!

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Hey Jay, did you here the one about the 3 hookers at the bar? Jay didn't reply because he was deaf

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Q: Whats the difference between a watermelon and a infants head? A: One is fun to beat a with a hammer, and the other is the infants head.

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UNICORNZ R PURPUL

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i have to pee out my ass.

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A black man and a Mexican are in a car. Who's driving? The cop. The two men were best friends who had taken off from their law firm. Alex had recently gone through a divorce and John decided to take him on a trip backpacking across Europe. It started raining and an off-duty police officer picked them up and took them to a nearby hotel. The three men had drinks and the friends had a wonderful time. But Alex never got over Jenny leaving him. 3 months later John found him dead in his home by auto-erotic asphyxiation.

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A man is walking in the desert, alone and lost, when suddenly he finds a lamp. The man picks up the lamp and to his surprise, a genie bursts out of the lamp ! The genie says to the man: "Thank you, kind man! You have freed me from this prison I have been in for a million years. I am in your dept and will grant you three wishes." The man replies: "Wow, you've been in there for a million years and all you have to give me are three wishes?" The genie was really sad to hear of the man's lack of appreciation and flew away, leaving the man. The man eventually died of starvation and dehydration.

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Why was the boy crying? Because he had a frog stapled to his face.

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My tractor broke down.

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Why did the little boy have to go to the hospital? He dropped his ice cream. Why did he drop his ice cream? He got hit by a train.

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What time is it? Refrigerator

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Wigan.

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Why was a refrigerator sitting on a part bench? Because someone set it there.

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Why did the fat man fall off the balcony? He didn't, I pushed him.

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mom.what is red and green? dad. what? mom. your mama dad. you Mack me cry mom gooooooooooooooooood girl. mom have you seen gmom mom.no dad. your mom killed her girl. rely mom. yes girl.thanks she suck dick for money and now i have to get a new bed so thanks mom.ya dad. so you want to be dead mom and girl. or u want to be dead dad. help me plz nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo mom.yes girl yes

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What's big and white?

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What do Connecticut school kids get at Christmas? Shot.

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What did the man say when he saw a purple cow? Nothing. He was blind.

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Roses are red my shirt is blue don't take my money, their not for u -_-

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How do you confuse Hellen Keller? You do not, as she is blind and deaf, and partaking in doing so would be the morally wrong thing to do.

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What do you call an indian driving a plane? A pilot.

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Yo mamma so fat, she is going on a diet and is very sensitive about her weight.

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Did you hear about the black guy who went to college? No? Well, he graduated in 4 years with a degree in chemical engineering due to his diligence and good work ethic. He now has a well paying job that allows him to support his wife and two kids and to pay the mortgage on their large home.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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