Q: How many babies does it take to paint a house. A: Depends on how hard you throw them.

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Why did the old woman fall down She got shot

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How did the gay guy greet the other gay guy? Nice to meet you.

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Whats green and has wheels? A green honda

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What's Red and Invisible? No Tomatos

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Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven is a homicidal maniac, six has every right to be afraid

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Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance? Because it is the decaying remains of a corpse and therefore lacks brain and muscle tissue depriving it of the ability of though and movement both of which are key skills in the art of dancing.

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Tiger Woods isn't a Tiger, He's a lion cheeta.

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what do you call a mentally and physically obese man? nothing until you know or obtain his name

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Why did the chicken cross the road? The chicken would greatly appreciate it if you stayed out of its personal life.

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A fat guy runs a marathon. He dies of obesity and dehydration.

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What's the difference between a bag of dead babies and a Ferrari? I have a bag of dead babies in my garage.

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Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven is black.

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A scotsmen, an Irishman and an Englishman all walk into a bar. The publican had accidentally left the door unlocked and the bar was in fact closed. So they left.

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If you go to an animal shelter to get a pet god, you may be dyslexic.

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Eats shoots and leaves Pandas. If you can't figure this out then you're probably 12

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A man comes home to find his wife in bed with another man. He then joins them.

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How do you wake up lady gaga? First you simply whisper in her ear telling her to wake up. If she doesn't, simultaneously whisper and tap her gently. If you have failed to achieve your accomplished goal, repeat step two however intensely touch her and project your voice when telling her to wake up. Step three, get a... WAIT WAIT!! I just waisted 20 seconds of your life, you're never going to meet her.

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What's worse than a worm in your apple? Captchas.

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Why did the chicken lay an egg? Because she got knocked up.

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A man walks into a bar and orders an alcoholic beverage. The bartender serves him and inquires about the man's day. The man says nothing, drinks his beverage, pays his tab and walks out.

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Feeling that your friends do not listen to your insightful conversations? BUY A PARROT! Teach it to say "Uhuh", and "Ahah", and "Dats coo!" NOW YOU CAN BE COMPLETELY APRECIATED BY A FUCKING BIRD THAT DOES NOT KNOW WHAT YOU ARE SAYING... ...BUT IS IT... APPRECIATING IT? DUUUUUUUN DUUUUUUUUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN! MYSTERY!

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Mama Bear and Papa Bear were in court getting a divorce and the judge offered Baby Bear a choice of which parent to live with. "Do you want to live with your mother?" the judge asks. "No! She beats me." answers the baby bear. "OK, then you can live with your father." says the judge. "No! He beats me too!" cries baby bear. So Baby Bear was placed in a foster home.

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I scream. You scream. We all scream and huddle in a corner of our first grade classroom because of a masked gunman.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops