how do you get a clown to fall off a swing? hit it with an axe

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Why didn't Joe have any friends? Because according to Thomas Hobbes man is anti-social by nature and therefore the only friends that he has are purely to reach his own ends and thus Joe cannot truly have friends in the sense that many use the word.

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Why do I staple a mans mouth to his penis. Because I wanted to

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I was in the middle of downloading a porno of two hot girls getting it on, my computer got a virus and crashed.

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Knock Knock? Who's their. M. M who? Me.

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Why did Hellen Keller masturbate with her left hand? Because her right hand was tired.

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Moves Like AJgger- Marron 5

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An englishman, irish-man and a scotsman walk into a bar. Englishman orderds a pint of becks, Irishman a guiness and the Scot a whiskey. Everything is absolutely fine and nothing of even remote interest happens.

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how many jews can you fit in an oven? -well zero because the conventional oven cannot fit a full sized human

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What did the homeless war veteran get for christmas? Nothing because we don't treat our veterans very well.

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Don't you just hate it when sentences don't end how you think they TESTACLES

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Penis.

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Confucius says... The superior man, when resting in safety, does not forget that danger may come. When in a state of security he does not forget the possibility of ruin. When all is orderly, he does not forget that disorder may come. Thus his person is not endangered, and his States and all their clans are preserved.

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You might be a redneck if you spent all day in the sun without sunscreen.

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What do you get when you cross and unicorn with a loaf of bread? Cantaloupe

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Bryce Harlan and I are close friends Love, Pete K

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What does the cup-cake say to the cake? Do you want a cup in your cake to make it cup-cake?

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A man walks into a bar. He's an alcoholic, and it's destroying he's family

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Why does Marcus keep playing dumb games instead of doing his goelogy. No one knows.

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A man opens his refrigerator and takes out a can of soda. He returns back to his living area and continues watching television.

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What's wrong the a man who can't tell where he is, can't tell where he's going, and doesn't know how to use a map? Downs Syndrome

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Roses are red, violets are blue, trains.

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Kill me? Lol, come get me sis, I can kill you wit my mullet, nobody wants to take my phone, but your sister already replied to my "anna fuck" with "arent you married buddy? :)" yeah a smiley, ill show you! The doors are open, if I fail to take you out, I am not deserving of living futher, course yea mother blusx to everywown, I mean she is horny all the tiem! Anywaz, hurry up, im out of stims so im fallin sleeps, told ur sis to send me a nude pic, rite now... so this mite take 3 minuts. Hey, watch the next pic im gonna send you, that should motivate you to fight me sersly, i men sure im slo, but imma sp ful ov valeium dat i feel nor feear no pain... never feeer pain so whateves... Nah your sis is skinny, thats not here, the pixture is fakye, for now... u dyou know dat she keeps snending them hearte and smile and even a smilei with a rose, thats FLIRIIIIIING! Flirting, anyway you get the picture, but I wont respon anymor becuz i am shuttin down this pc and gonna dream abot the things to0 you sis. ;)

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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