- Anti Joke

Knock knock! Who's there? Luke. Luke who? Leukemia.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: He was being taken to the slaughter house

Why did the girl fall off the swing? She has no arms.

What is the difference between a pile of dead babies and a ferrari? I dont have a ferrari in my garage.

Knock knock.. Whos there? To... To who? To whom.

How can you spot a blind person at a nudist colony? They might be carrying a white stick, or have a guide dog or someone to help them navigate the premises.

Every time im sad, I think of a T-Rex trying to put on a hat.

Did y'all see Lafell catch that pass? Neither did I

What did the skeleton say when he was horny? Nothing. Skeletons are not living and therefore cannot be horny.

Where was I born? Pakistan. You?

My two friends Larry and Paul are both race horses. They were getting ready for a big race to quolify them for the Kentucky durby. BANG! The race started! What. Close race! First it was Larry then Paul then Larry then Paul! And finally Larry came out and won it! Paul went to the winners circle and congratulated Larry. He said "hey great job Larry but next time after you come back from touring will you let me win?" Larry says "oh! Of course this couldn't get between us! We're like two peas in a pod. Closer then bread in a basket. We're best friends"... So when he came back from touring Larry said it was great! And promised let Paul win. BANG the race started! It was Paul then Larry then Paul then Larry won again. Paul was a little mad that he he didn't win but he went to congratulate larry anyway. Larry said next time he was deffinetly going to let Paul win, because he wasn't gonna let this get between them because they are two peas in a pod. Closer then bread in a basket, they are best friends. Then after Larry came back from touring he promised again he would let Paul win. BANG! The race started and it was Paul then Larry! Then Paul! Larry! Paul! Then larry won. Paul at this point furious went to the winners circle. He talked to Larry "Larry why didn't you let me win for the third time!? This is just your ego trying to win every time now!?" I didn't want them to fight so I chimed in "Larry, Paul! Please don't fight! Your two peas in a pod! Closer then bread in a basket! Your best friends!! You don't want to fight like this!" Larry turned to Paul and said "Hey look! A talking dog!"

Ill do a lot more than just try you, anyways, technically I learned to play the piano as a kid, but now I play on a small cheap keyboard (the musical kind) and sincerely, I kinda suck at it now, my abusive parents expected perfection beat the shit out of me blahblahblah, thats really all of it, trauma. My senses, well, when I was a kid I was terrified of gravity (one of the rarest fears in the world) because I had no idea I was consciously shifting things myself. So lets say... If I somehow end up hanging upside down, I just shift it, so my brain believes I am not and I experience no discomfort, there is a lot more to it, ill tell you, damn nose wont stop bleeding and my waifu got a bit scared, she got some bad bronchitis and she still has not recovered a 100 percent, but its just the cough now though... Lets just say that my ability to balance, is about 300-500 percent higher than any regular human, and that I can stand on one leg enough to beat the guiness record book 50 times... ...IIIIF I was in good shape, which I am not.

stevie wonder watched a movie yesterday

Have ever seen Helen Keller's house? No. Neither has she.

Why do Eskimos build igloos? Because it is the most practical form of habitation for their climate zone, lifestyle, and availability of materials.

jay hefti is so cool and alex askew is hot

Why couldn't Jenny speak right? Cause she had autism.

whats black and white and red all over????? a zebra who got shot

there was a blind kid and a man wearing a WWJD & Livstrong bracelet touched his eyes and he could see. He wasn't used to the light and walked into traffic and died instantly.

Why did the girl scream? Someone shot her mom

an ant walks into my aunt.... the ant took a dump

Knock Knock Who's there? DC Soames. I'm arresting you for the suspected abduction and rape of Holly Harman.

-Knock Knock ~Who's there? -It's your mother ~Go away

When life throws you melons you might be dyslexic.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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