Whats long, hard, and has cum in it? Cucumber

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What did the blind boy get for Christmas? The same toys from last year.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What did T Pain say to the skipper of his yacht? I'm on a yacht

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Knock Knock. Who's there? James. Ok.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

If a tree falls in a neigheorohood lots of people hear it.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

You know what is really annoying? An annoying baby that wont stop crying while you are trying to do very important work.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What did the white doctor say to the black doctor? We both went to medical school.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

A guy walks into a bar and orders 4 shots. The bartender promptly pulls out a gun and shoots him 4 times.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

'l give you a nickle to tickle my pickle i'l give you a dime to take you time

thumb_up thumb_down +17

WNBA

thumb_up thumb_down +17

*Knock Knock *Whos there? *ADD *ADD Who? *I forgot but you wana build a fort.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

There once was a squirrel. He lost his nuts.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

How do you stop a second date from happenin? You force a dead mouse in your date's vagina.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why was the boy dad? Because he was taken advantage of by an older woman during ovulation and impregnated her.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

a blond goes into a taxi, the driver asks where to my friend , the blond says her desired location, gets droped off and trips, falls on her head, suffers major injuries, dies,weeks later the taxi driver drove the family to the funeral, they walk out and one of of them trips and gets back up...

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Once I asked a Chinese girl , how do I look ? . She said you Europeans all look the same .

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Three men are on a plane. (Note, that this is a low-altitude plane, in which they are allowed to open the windows) The stewardess offers the first man refreshments. He asks for an orange. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his orange, he throws it out the window. The stewardess moves on to the second man, who asks for an apple. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Also confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his apple, he throws it out the window. Finally, the stewardess moves onto the third man, who asks for a bomb. Without question, the stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. With no reaction, the man receives the bomb, then throws it out the window. Upon landing, the first man sees a woman crying. With a sympathetic heart, he asks what's the matter. She replies, "I was walking down the street, and an orange came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man brushes the event off as a coincidence. The second man sees another woman crying. Upon asking her what's the matter, she replies, "I was walking down the street, and an apple came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man, confused, apologizes and walks away. The third man sees an officer standing on a street corner and a pile of burning rubble behind him. He asks the officer what happened and he replies "A bomb fell from the sky and annihilated the city orphanage. 214 children were killed and two nearby families of 3 and 6 were severely injured and are now in the hospital with no hope of survival." The man was found dead later that week with a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

a fat old hobo named da'shovant'e ate a bucket of fried chicken then killed a little girl named poopface McFergusen

thumb_up thumb_down +15

A black man walks into a bar and treated with equal care

thumb_up thumb_down +15

THE SALAMANDER IS NOT A REPTILE! THE SALAMANDER IS NOT A REPTILE! THE SALAMANDER IS NOT A REPTILE! THE SALAMANDER IS NOT A REPTILE! THE SALAMANDER IS NOT A REPTILE! THE SALAMANDER IS NOT A REPTILE! THE SALAMANDER IS NOT A REPTILE! THE SALAMANDER IS NOT A REPTILE! THE SALAMANDER IS NOT A REPTILE! THE SALAMANDER IS NOT A REPTILE! THE SALAMANDER IS NOT A REPTILE! THE SALAMANDER IS NOT A REPTILE! THE SALAMANDER IS NOT A REPTILE! THE SALAMANDER IS NOT A REPTILE! THE SALAMANDER IS NOT A REPTILE! THE SALAMANDER IS NOT A REPTILE! THE SALAMANDER IS NOT A REPTILE! THE SALAMANDER IS NOT A REPTILE! THE SALAMANDER IS NOT A REPTILE! THE SALAMANDER IS NOT A REPTILE!

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't know where I am, I'm blind.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Why did the bear turn red? Because he was emBEARessed. Nah just kidding, a hunter shot him.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

(for comedians) I went to a coffee shop the other day. I ordered a coffee then sat down. Behind me there were two people talking. I didn't eves drop because it's impolite so I drank my coffee and left.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Why did the New York Times cancel Otis Redding's subscription? Because he died.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops